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TOLD IN A 
CHINESE GARDEN 

AND FOUR OTHER FANTASTIC PLAYS 
FOR OUT-DOORS OR IN-DOORS 

BY 

CONSTANCE WILCOX 



Especially adapted Jor amateur productions 




NEW YORK 

HENRY HOLT AND COMPANY 

1920 



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Copyright, 1920» 

BY 

HENRY HOLT AND COMPANY 



All of these plays have been successfully given. 
No royalty is asked for performing rights when no admis- 
sion is charged. Otherwise there is a charge of five dollars 
for each performance by amateurs. Professional actors 
must make special arrangements. 

No performance of these plays may be given without 
full acknowledgment to the author and publishers. Ac- 
knowledgment should be made to read as follows: " By 
Constance Crenelle Wilcox; from- Told In A Chinese Gar- 
den and Other Plays. Produced by arrangement with the 
publishers." 



/ 



SO 



^t:i^ K io2U 



Ci.Ae04528 



AFFECTIONATELY INSCRIBED 
TO 

MY FATHER 



AUTHOR'S NOTE 

These five one act plays have been written especially 
for the out of doors, and, as experience with them has 
shown, can be easily and effectively given by amateurs 
in the simplest of outdoor settings. They range in 
length and elaboration from " Told in a Chinese Gar- 
den," which plays forty-five minutes, and can be made, 
if desired, into quite a brilliant pageant for a large 
number of people, to " Pan Pipes," which is a play of 
twenty-five minutes for four actors. It is sometimes 
difficult to find plays exactly fitted for an outdoor set- 
ting. In these plays the entrances and exits are made 
with a view to outdoor production, and the back- 
ground is taken into account. The particular settings 
given in the plays are, of course, not essential nor ex- 
pected for any outdoor production. They are given 
for atmosphere, and in case of an indoor production. 
A few suggestions for simple production follow each 
play. 

Permission for producing these plays can be ob- 
tained from the publishers. 



CONTENTS 

PAGE 

Told in a Chinese Garden 3 

A Play Pageant for a Garden 

Pan Pipes . . . . A Woodland Play . 63 

Four of a Kind . . A Play for a Boat . 93 

The Princess in the Fairy Tale . . . .129 
A Children's Garden Play 

Mother Goose Garden 171 

A Fantasy for a Garden 



TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 



TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN ^ 

(A Play Pageant) 

Scene. A Chinese garden. 
Time. A summer afternoon. 

CHARACTERS 

Tai-Lo, a Gardener on the estate of Wang-Chu-Mo. 
Poa-Ting-Fang, Guest of Wang-Chu-Mo. 
Wang-Chu-Mo. 

Ll-Tl, Daughter of Wang-Chu-Mo, 
Ling-Tai-Tai, Governess to Li-Ti. 
Lang-Tai-Tai, Governess to Li-Ti. 
Two Guards. 
Scribe. 

Pages, Coolie Runners and Others. 
(The Songs are all Old Chinese — and also the quota- 
tions) 

1 Copyright, 191 9, by Constance Wilcox. 



TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 
A Story in One Act 

r I yAI-LO is working with clippers at a flower bed 

a around a goldfish pool in the center of the 

"^^ garden. He wears a peaked straw hat and 

faded blue jacket and trousers. He sings at his work. 

Tai-Lo 

" The flower fairies bring 
Their playmate spring; 
But the spring goes 
And leaves the rose. 
She fills all hearts 
With incense and departs. 

" The river fain would keep 

One cloud upon its breast, 

Of the twilight flocks that sweep 

Like red flamingoes fading west, 

Away, away, 

To build beyond the day. 

" Give me the green gloom of a lofty tree, 
Leaf and bough to shutter and bar 
My dream of the world that ought to be 
From the drifting ghosts of the things that are; 

3 



4 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 

Mine is the secret land where spring 

And sunset clouds cease wandering." 

(Poa-Ting-Fang and Wang-Chu-Mo ad- 
vance slowly down the path and into the gar- 
den. They are in gorgeous embroidered coats 
and scarlet and black hats with long tassels. 
A servant shields them from the sun with a 
bright, many-colored silk umbrella. They carry 
fans.) 

POA 
(With a stately wave of his hand as they walk around 

the pool) 

As I have frequently observed, a garden is soothing to 
the eye — the flowers are like the many-colored moving 
disks of the counting board as they shine in the sun — 
I was ever fond of a garden in which to prepare my 
accounts — so warm, so undisturbed — 

Wang 

I had learned of your Excellency's preference — and 
you will find that my daughter Li-Ti — your most 
subservient wife-to-be — has the history of each flower 
at her finger tips. I have had her trained four hours 
every day in this very garden so she may be able to 
recite for your Excellency's delectation when she walks 
her honorable wifely paths in your garden. 

PoA 
Most erudite and solicitous host and father-in-law- 
to-be, the sun is no more warm on my back than your 
words in my ears. My late brother (may the Gods 



TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 5 

grant him peace In heaven) took delight in his garden, 
and since I have come into his house and possessions, 
I have been pleased to add new blooms, one from each 
countr)'-, and cunningly intermingled like the enamel 
on a Ming vase. It is on view Thursdays and Satur- 
days — for a mean consideration. 

{They come upon the gardener. He bows so 

low that his sun hat completely hides his face; 

and, picking up his basket, he goes to a distant 

flower bed.) 

And gardeners — I have thousands — like brown- 
legged storks — and their wages — they will pick the 
pennies from my eyelids. 

Wang 

My daughter will have much to learn in your great 
household, and I have taught her to imbibe silently, 
and speak not until there are wise words in her mouth. 
As the Sage says, '' A woman with a long tongue is 
a flight of steps leading to calamity." 

PoA 
{Picking a flower with a great air) 

I myself am a man of few words and many afifairs. 

Wang 
Yes, again to quote : " Love of knowledge without 
the will to learn, casts the shadow called Instability. 
Love of goodness without the will to learn casts the 
shadow called Foolishness. Love — " 



6 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 

POA 

Exactly, exactly. Now about the great scarlet bed 
that is part of your daughter's dowry — may I say 
that it is of an admirable richness and if there were 
silken quilts — 

Wang 

There — there are. They are to be carried to- 
night in the wedding procession on blue lacquered 
tables of great value — ten coolies it will take to carry 
them — and the household utensils and camphorwood 
chests — 

PoA 

{Jotting down the items in a notebook) 
Excellent, O excellent and generous, O my father- 
in-law-to-be. It is indeed fortunate that a propitious 
omen is about to bring our two great houses together. 
I would welcome your daughter were she as sharp as 
the vicious Aunt East Wind — which I am sure she is 
not. 

Wang 
My daughter is far from ill-favored. But as one 
has said, " Beauty without the will to — " 

PoA 

It does not matter. It is of an insignificance. I 
remember too, ** Admirable is the wise woman, but she 
is an owl." As befitting a man of affairs my wife and 
I will meet but seldom, and as you say she has the 
gift of silence. How does the verse go? 

" The wise man's wisdom is our strength, 



TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 7 

The woman's wisdom Is our bane. 
The men build up the city walls 
For women to tear down again." 

Wang 

It rests my ears to hear that you are fond of poetry. 
Do you know — 

PoA 
Ah, I remember the sequence, 

" No man from any woman's wit 
Hath yet learned aught of any worth, 
For wise is she, but unto ill. 
To bring disorder on the earth. 
What does she in affairs of state? 
Her place is in the inner room. 
Her wisdom doth least hurt in this. 
To mind the silkworm and the loom." 

But enough of the arts. Were there not perhaps 
screens ? 

Wang 
Of purple colored teakwood, set with silver and 
ivory, and hangings of orange brocade hand painted 
with dragons. 

PoA _ 

A good omen — a good omen. -^ . C'T 

{They go off sloiviy talking.) ->^ 
{A little boy in livery enters running. He 
peers about the garden and runs back to hold 
aside the shrubbery for a gilded, canopied chair 



8 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 

carried by coolies. In the chair is Ll-Tl, her 
scarlet and gold gown stiff with embroidery, 
and her hair elaborately dressed and twisted 
with strings of jade and pearl. Long earrings 
frame a lovely, expressionless face, white with 
powder and vividly carmine on cheeks and lips. 
Her eyes are heavily black and droop wearily. 
She carries a peacock feather fan with a mirror 
in the handle. Behind the chair walk the two 
elderly governesses in drab-colored gowns as 
unprepossessing as their sharp yellowed faces. 
They carry rolls of manuscript and a servant 
behind holds a bright umbrella over them.) 

The Boy 
The garden is empty, Celestialness ; only an under- 
gardener is here. 

Li-Ti 
{Peering out) 
My father and Poa-Ting-Fang were just walking 
through the paths. I wish I might catch a glimpse of 
them. 

Ling-Tai-Tai 
It is not seemly. 

Lang-Tai-Tai 
It is not in comportment. It is curiosity! 

{The little procession advances slowly around 
the pool.) 

Lang 
The five worst infirmities that afflict the female are 



TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 9 

Indocility, discontent, slander, jealousy and silliness. 
The worst of all and the parent of the other five is 
silliness. Your desire to see your honorable husband- 
to-be is silliness. 

Ling 
Leave on the knees of the Gods the joy of your first 
sight of him. It comes soon enough. 

{The bearers set down the chair.) 

Li-Ti 

I have heard that he is old, and that he poisoned his 
brother so that he could take his estates, and that his 
brother's heir ran aw^ay from him. 

Ling 

It is incredible that I hear these w^ords in your mouth 
after our teaching. 

Lang 

Some sprouts do not blossom, some blossoms bear no 
seed. You are a stranger to us. 

Li-Ti 

{She descends from her chair. She is very small and 

sways on her bound feet) y 

I am not myself. I am so soon to be some one 
else — the wife of a man that is old and greedy. I 
will drink only his will, and eat only his thoughts — 
ht who I know poisoned his brother for money. 

{The bearers arrange a low stool for Ll-Tl 
and the little boy holds an umbrella over her. 
The governesses take their place standing in 



lo TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 

front of her and unroll their long yellow scrolls. 
They also have a boy to hold their umbrella. 
The bearers take off the chair.) 

Ling 

Servants' chatter. Only girls and servants are hard 
to train. Draw near to them and they grow unruly; 
hold them off and they pay you with spite. 

Lang 
Remember that thou art young. What thou dost 
know is not to be compared with what thou dost not 
know. 

Li-Ti 

It is common talk. Why then did his brother's only 
son and heir run away? 

Ling 

Because he was a worthless ne'er-do-well and shame- 
lessly preferred the freedom, as he called it, of vaga- 
bondage, to the honorable responsibility of his father's 
estate. That is common talk also. 

Li-Ti 

Very like he did not care for the responsTbility of 
such an uncle. 

Lang 

It ill fits your mouth to speak thus. If the shiftless 
Fang-Tai were to return and claim his lands before the 
allotted time when they legally belong to his uncle, 
you would not have a round penny as a wife. 



TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN ii 

Li-Ti 
Then my father would not have me be a wife at all. 
That would be pleasing. 

Ling 
Undutiful girl! Let us go to our lessons. 

{They unroll the long strips of parchment,) 

Lang 

Your parent has instructed us to impart one more 
lesson in the histories of the flowers before you go to 
your husband to delight him with your knowledge. 
Recite, I pray you, the complete ancestry of the mari- 
gold. 

Li-Ti 

{In a singsong) 
Fathered first by our lord the Sun, whose sevenfold 
beams falling on the plant wove into curling petals, 
and then the sweet West Wind in passing from the 
bazaars of the great spice grove scattered in a pinch of 
— of — cinnamon — 

Ling 
Fie, fie — a pinch of musk. 

Li-Ti 

A pinch of musk, and Ku-Wu the bee with the 
golden stripes fashioned for it in the heart of the 
flower a pouch of tiny petals — so now — so now — 
Will Poa-Ting-Fang, my future husband, be angry 
with me? I have forgotten what comes next. 



12 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 

Ling 
He will rap the tips of your fingers and leave you 
alone in the pavilion. " So now the musk — " 

Li-Ti 
I do not know. Let us go to the gilly-flower. That 
is not so hard. 

Ling 
Fie! What is it the great Sage says about those 
who take the easy path? 

Li-Ti 

" The stones will be slippery and they will twist 
their feet." 

Lang 
So now the musk — 

[A runner enters who goes to the governesses,) 

Runner 
The Lord Wang-Chu would confer with you in 
the inner courtyard on a matter of immediate im- 
portance. 

Lang 
We come at once. 

Ling 
{Thrusting a parchment into Ll-Tl's hands) 
We return anon. Waste not the moments we are 
gone. 

Lang 
Listen not idly to the drone of the bees, or the 
dragonflies will sew up your ears. 



TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 13 

Ling 
The list of the flowers is there. Read it well, and 
remember each in its place. 

Lang 

And there is the song of the willow flowers for the 
lute. Last time the notes sounded like a mouse on the 
strings. 

(Ling and Lang go out with the runner and 
their umbrella man. The gardener crosses and 
begins work on the beds about the pool.) 

Li-Ti 

{In a very small voice as she strums her lute) 

" O willow flowers like flakes of snow, 

Where do your wandering legions go? 

Little we care and less we know ! 

Our ways are the ways of the wind — 

Our life in the whirl, and death in the drifts below." 

{She turns to her little umbrella boy, who 
stands patiently first on one leg and then on the 
other.) 

You twist so that your shadow flickers like a moth 
in the grass and drives the cadence out of my head. 
Go over there and rest — I do not mind the sun on 
my head. 

{He marches over to a far corner, and curling 
up on the ground under his umbrella promptly 
falls asleep.) 



V 

\ 



14 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 

Li-Ti 

{Running a finger through her eyelashes) 
It Is not seemly that he should see tears. {She 
takes up the parchment.) The green verbena Is the 
herb that the willow nymph tried to crush Into tea for 
her lover, and the fragrance of her hands — the frag- 
rance of her hands — {She buries her face in her 
hands. ) 

Tai 

{Humming at his clipping) 

*' Prone beside the Western stream, 
In the lllled dusk I dream. 
And mocking me the wind of spring 
Such medley of perfume doth bring, 
I cannot tell what fragrance blows, 
Nor guess the lotus from the rose." 

Li-Ti 

{Standing up and looking across the flower beds) 
Who Is It sings when I wish to be sad? 

Tai 

It Is I — Tal-Lo, the gardener. 

Li-Ti 

You are the gardener? Approach. 



(Tai-Lo comes before her, basket on arm and bows 

low,) 



TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 15 

Li-Ti 

Why do you have so many different kinds of flowers 
in the garden? 

Tai 
So they will bloom as varied and bright as the hem 
of your celestial skirt that brushes them as you pass. 

Li-Ti 
I would have all one kind — all gillyflowers. 

Tai 
The garden would be a desert — brown and yellow 
— deadening to the eye. 

Li-Ti 
I would like It. There would be less to learn. 

Tai 
You know the flower lor^ and yet would have the 
heart to turn them out of their homes? 

Li-Ti 

Horrid, stiff, prickly things! Take them up and 
put In gillyflowers! 



(Tai-Lo kneels with his trowel and puts one or two 
plants in his basket.) 

Li-Ti 

(As she watches him, she strums carelessly on her lute^ 



i6 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 

" Through the green blinds that shelter me, 

Two butterflies at play, 

Four wings of flame whirl joyously 

Around me and away, 

While swallows breasting to the shore 

Ripple the waves they wander o'er. 

And I that scan the distant view, 

Of torn white clouds and mountains blue — 

Tai 
{Finishing it for her) 
Lift to the north my aching eyes — 
'Tis there — 'Tis there the city lies — 
Chang — An arise ! Arise ! " 

Li-Ti 

You know that, too? 

Tai 
I am an exile. I know another wanderer song that 
might please you. (He takes the lute.) 

" I was a child in Yung-Yang, 
A little child I waved farewell. 
After long years I dwell again 
In world forgotten Yung-Yang. 
Yet I recall my playtime, 
And in my dreams I see 
The little ghosts of Maytime 
Waving farewell to me. 

" My father's house in Yung- Yang 
Has fallen upon evil days. 



TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 17 

No kinsmen o'er the crooked ways 
Hail me as once in Yung-Yang. 
No longer stands the old Moot hall, 
Gone is the market from the town. 
The very hills have tumbled down, 
And stoned the valleys in their fall. 
Yet I recall my playtime. 
And in my dreams I see 
The little ghosts of May time, 
Waving farewell to me." 

Li-Ti 

Do flowers have ghosts? 

Tai 

{Returning to his work) 
Yes they are people. Poor little marigold lady! 
(He holds up an uprooted plant.) She holds the lan- 
terns of the garden. When the nights are dark she 
lights up the thick green jungle so the katydids can 
dance. 

Li-Ti 
{She consults her paper) 
That is not what I learned about the marigold. It 
is much prettier. 

Tai 
Ah, what you know, my lady, is the allegorical an- 
cestry, very befitting one of your quality. But this is 
the true story of the flowers that the fairies prick on 
the leaves. And the golden cup that the dew king fills 
for the moon fairies. They will go thirsty after their 
dance to-night. 



i8 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 

Li-Ti 

You need not pull up so many. What is the little 
white flower by your foot? 

Tai 

They are the slippers of the firefly elves left out to 
dry in the sun, but you mustn't tell any one. 

Li-Ti 

And those tall green ones over there? 

Tai 

Hush! Mandarins — see their green caps? 

Li-Ti 

And how solemnly they nod their heads! 

Tai 

And how the bees fly in and out telling them state 
secrets. 

Li-Ti 

how dear and funny! {She peers over towards 
the high flowers.) I wonder if the bees' wings tickle 
their ears — they buzz so — I wonder how it feels to 
have a bee tell you secrets. 

Tai 

( Gravely ) 

1 can show you. This is the way. {He kisses her 
behind her fan.) Are you angry, celestial lady? 

Li-Ti 

No — o. It must be rather nice to be a flower. 



TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 19 

Tai 
You are one. 

Li-Ti 

I consider you only as a bee — in the garden. 

Tai 
A poor sort of vagabond, accountable to no one — 
flying in and out — not ever staying long enough to 
care — or have any one care — 

Li-Ti 

You shall stay and tell me funny stones. 

Tai 

All my poor little bee secrets are yours, lady. 

Li-Ti 

And sing songs about — Yung- Yang. O, I wish I 
had known there was a bee in the garden before ! 

Tai 

The bee saw the flower over the wall. 

Li-Ti ^ 

Oh — I should not have been chattering and be- 
having in this unseemly fashion. Here come my hon- 
orable governesses. They will be so displeased if I 
am not occupied in a fitting manner. Go and send 
over the umbrella boy. I hope I have not faded in 
the sun. (She takes up her lute. The umbrella boy 
returns to stand over her. Tai-Lo goes back to his 
work.) 



20 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 

" O willow flowers like flakes of snow, 
Where do your wandering legions go ? 
Little we care and less we know — " 

{She breaks off in a suppressed giggle that turns 
into a grave courtesy as the governesses hurry 
up. They are out of breath and excited.) 

Ling 

The unheard of has occurred ! 

Lang 
O most unfortunate of girls! 

Ling 

The house of Mo can never smile again ! 

Li-Ti 

What is the matter? In what have I offended? 

Ling 
Not you. It is that the great Poa-Ting-Fang, your 
future husband-to-be, while walking in this very gar- 
den — O wretched landscape — has lost his emerald 
ring! 

Lang 
It is of the honorable size of a pigeon's egg, and 
worth the price of a thousand silver mines. 

Ling 

More valuable than all your dowry. 



TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 21 

Lang 

It holds in its secret chamber the seal of his house 
cut from the tomb of his first ancestor — 

Ling 

Kever has one of his house been without it! 

Lang 

And it slipped from his august finger while he picked 
those miserable flowers! 

Ling 

But that is not the most calamitous! He vows he 
will depart in anger — that he will never look upon 
your face — if his ring is not returned. It is an ill 
omen and the two houses cannot come together un- 
der it. 

Lang 

The garden must be searched to the very seeds, or 
you will be scorned as a bride and the world will 
laugh at our rejected house! 

Li-Ti 
It does not appal me — that he will not marry me. 

Lang 

In this garden it vanished — the ring worth sixty 
diamond mines! It was to be a signet of your mar- 
riage. How can he overlook the omen of its loss? 

Ling 
Who has seen it? Who? Who? 



22 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 

Li-Ti 
There has been no one here but ourselves — and the 
gardener. 

Lang 
That is it. O merciful heaven that has delivered 
him into our hands. {They approach Tai-Lo who 
bows. Ll-Tl wanders about looking in the beds.) 

Ling 

Your name? 

Tai 
Tai-Lo. 

Lang 

How long have you been here, and why did you 
come ? 

Tai 
I have been gardener among your honorable flowers 
for twice seven days. 

(Ll-Ti stops to pick up something that glitters 
as she turns it in her hand.) 



And before? 
I wandered. 

Ah! 



Ling 

Tai 

Lang 



Ling 
And your reason for coming? 



TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 23 

Tai 
{Watching Li-Ti as she stands in the sunlight) 
I liked the flowers in your garden. 

Ling 

And you found them what you expected? 

Tai 
Better, excellencies. {He bows.) 

{With a furtive motion Ll-Tl crouches down 
and buries what she has found deep in the soft 
earth Tai-Lo spaded up.) 

Ling 

Enough! Seize him! 

Lang 

" A flaw can be ground from a scepter white — 
A slip of the tongue no man right." 

Ling 

I am satisfied. " Unruly when young — unmen- 
tioned as man, undying when old — spells good-for- 
nothing." 

Li-Ti 

{Coming between them) 
No! 

Lang 

Your chair waits. In a moment your honorable 
father and the wronged Ting-Fang will be here to 
search the garden — and the gardener. 



24 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 

Li-Ti 

Untie him. He has not seen the ring. 

Ling 
We shall see — 

Lang 

What we shall see. 

Tai 

There are ways of proving that I have not the ring. 

Li-Ti 

{She has ascended her chair. She twists her hands 

nervously) 
I — I — {She looks at Tai.) I will see that you 
are not found guilty. 

Tai 

Graciousness! "Richer the silver of your voice 
than in the hollow pojols that make moonlight about 
your ankles." 

Ling 
" Honeyed words confound goodness." 

Lang 

" The vulgar always gloss their faults." 

Ling 

Forward ! 

{The bearers carry off the chair, followed by 
the governesses under their umbrella, A man 
stays to guard Tai-Lo.) 



TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 25 

Man 
Where did you hide it? 

Tai 

What? 

Man 
The ring. 

Tai 
I have not seen it. 

Man 
I will take it safely out of the garden and we will 
go shares. 

Tai 
I tell you I have not seen it. It is fortunate for your 
master that I am gardener here instead of you. 

Man 
Do you think I can believe you such a fool that you 
were working here on the very bed under his foot when 
the ring slipped from his finger and did not put your 
hand over it? Bah ! Tell me where it is or I'll swear 
I saw you swallow it! 

Tai 

The only kind of fool I am not, is to tell anything 
to such a dirty knave as you. 

Man 
{Imperturbably ) 

Everything you say will be used against you. 



26 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 

Tai 

I have no doubt. " Trees are more upright than 
men." 

Man 
" Money makes a blind mian see." 

(Wang-Chu-Mo and Poa-Ting-Fang, under 
their umbrellas, come into the garden. They 
are followed by servants with rakes.) 

Wang 

{Directing the men) 
Barely touch the surface of the earth — the slightest 
scratch may bury the ring beneath it as you work. And 
remember: you are held responsible if we fail. Oh, 
my honorable guest — and son-in-law that I hope you 
shall still be — would I could heap the unworthy dust 
of this garden on my head in apology. 

Fang 
It is indeed a calamity of unmitigated enormity. 
My ancestral jewel is of the size of a pigeon's egg and 
of the value of a thousand silver mines. {He consults 
notebook.) Whereas your daughter's dowry, I regret 
to say, does not possess its equivalent. 

Wang 

Its equivalent shall be found. Where is the gar- 
dener Lang-Tai-Tai told me of ? 

Tai-Lo 
Here. 

(Tai-Lo and Poa-Ting-Fang stare at each 
other.) 



TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 27 

Wang 

wretched stork, what have you filched with your 
beak! 

POA 

1 would question this man — alone. 

(Wang goes off, fussily directing the men who 
scratch the flower beds with their rakes.) 

PoA 
Fang-Tai ! 

Tai 

My estimable uncle! 

PoA 

What are you doing here? 

Tai 

I might better ask the same — what are you doing 
here — in my father's coat, and wearing — or, rather, 
being very careless, with my father's signet ring — 
while I, my father's heir, am still in a position to claim 
them? But I fear the question might inconvenience 
you — 

PoA 
Very unsuitable. 

Tai 

We will let it pass since it is of my own free will 
that I wander. Be benign enough to assure these peo- 
ple that I am no thief and I say nothing. 



28 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 

POA 

And how long do you continue saying nothing? 

Tai 
As long as my good pleasure and your good be- 
havior. 

POA 

Am I to be at the beck and call and In constant fear 
of a paltry vagabond? Oh, my high-bred sensibilities! 
I shudder to my finger tips! 

Tai 
Most unsuitable of you, dear uncle. When my 
father died I chose some years of freedom to wander 
through the by-roads unhampered — and left you the 
freedom and the care of the estate. It was my favor 
that gave you these honors. It is not my fault if you 
assume too much — take too much — and force me to 
return. 

POA 

That was why you stole the ring — so that you 
could prove your estate instantly! 

Tai 

Your morals, my uncle, are odd. I take no such 
method. 

Poa 1^ 

Bah ! Hypocrisy ! 

Tai 
I have seen that which makes me think I shall return 
in any case. 



TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 29 

POA 

Am I to give up my position — my hard-fought gains 
— my improvements w^on by the sw^eat of my toil and 
the clink of my gold — 

Tai 

My gold. 

POA 

To give place to you — you — a vagabond squan- 
derer — a shiftless pleasure lover — who would waste 
and change and turn me into the laughing stock of 
the country? 

Tai 

No doubt. 

POA 

It is unthinkable — that /, — I should have to give 
way to a beardless ne'er-do-well. It is a thousand 
deaths! And I would give a thousand rings to have 
you dead, scourge of the worthy! 

Tai 

No doubt. 

POA 

You mock me — will you — monkey-eared frog — 
you — 

Tai 
Tell these people that I am no thief, and have done. 

PoA 

They would not believe it, 



so TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 

Tai 
I have around my neck the amulet, the duplicate 
of the sacred amulet in my father's ring. They will 
believe Tai-Fang. 

POA 

You cannot prove a grain of it. The amulet of a 
ragged gardener. It might be any stone. 

Tai 

The ring will be found and it fits there. 

PoA 
I will throw the ring into the river before it is 
opened. I will grind it under my heel — 

Tai 

*' The chase of gain is rich in hate — " My uncle, 
do you think there is a man on our estate who would 
not know me? 

POA 

But here — here they do not, and the word of a 
vagrant servant is the wind in the grass — empty. 
Whether the ring is found or not, I will say you con- 
fessed to stealing it. They will only be too eager to 
string you on the nearest branch to appease me. And 
what is one dead gardener more or less? By the sacred 
Gods that guard the cornice of our house, I will do 
it — unless you swear to go and never molest me again. 
You swear? 

Tai 

I do not. 



TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 31 

POA 

There will be trial and court in this very garden and 
you will be hung. 

Tai 

If it happens that I am not it will fare hard with 
you. Hbw well I see now that ** Gold is tested by 
fire and man by gold." 

POA 

You will never go out of that gate unless, when the 
rope is about your neck, you promise me on the grave 
of your ancestors — 

Tai 

You old thief! I'll see you strangled first! {He 
tries to free his hands.) 

POA 

{Calling) 
My honorable father-in-law. This man is violent! 
(Wang hurries up.) 

Wang 
He confesses? 

PoA 
To having disposed of the ring. My astute ques- 
tioning — 

Tai 
I do not. 

Wang 
Peace! Lest your tongue burn in your mouth. 



32 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 

POA 

My intricate insinuations and subtle probes have 
brought the taste of guilt to his trembling mouth. 

Tai 
You lie! My Lord Wang, if you know — 

Wang 

{Angrily) 
I am about to know. 

Poa 

He admits to having taken the jewel but as to 
where he has hid it, he has the cunning and secrecy of 
the weasel. 

Wang 
We will discover at once. O that I should have 
nourished such a viper in my garden ! 

Poa 
Eating your bread and lining his unworthy pockets 
with your silver. My unhappy friend, I indeed grieve 
for you. 

Wang 

It can be crushed out. Tread on the snake's head, 
and he will not bite. 

Poa 

I truly believe that nothing would give me greater 
happiness than to see your garden spot cleared of all 
evil. 



TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 33 

Wang 

O most felicitous and generous guest ! Truly " to 
rank the effort above the prize may be called Love." 
It shall be cleared of Evil — 

Tai 
One moment. 

Wang 

Your time to speak shall come. 

POA 

He should have only one moment. I am sincerely 
convinced that such is my friendship for you that im- 
mediate removal of this rascal — since he has in part 
confessed — would greatly tend to smooth my pride in 
the matter of the ring — and my feeling towards your 
daughter — 

Wang 

We will hold a court at once. 

PoA 
Is that necessary, in a case of such confessed guilt ? 

Wang 

(Pompously) 
" When not in office I discuss not policy." I per- 
form no deed that is not strictly in accordance with the 
mandates of the law — " Gentlemen cherish worth ; the 
vulgar cherish dirt. Gentlemen trust in justice; the 
vulgar trust in favor," says Confucius. But this will 
be very summary — just a few ceremonies in this gar- 
den — we will not disturb the festivities outside. 



34 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 

POA 

Most laudable intention. But no strangers I pray 

— no fuss — no scandal ; of all things I deplore scan- 
dal — and were there outsiders I would feel it my 
painful duty to explain — my emerald seal — 

Wang 

No one but ourselves — and the men in this garden 

— to act also as executioners in case — 

V PoA 

Exactly and excellently planned. Worthy father- 
in-law, your scheme is as neat as a snail in its shell. 

Tai 

I claim the right to defendants. 

Wang 

{Pointing to the two guards) 
These can be your defendants. They are your fel- 
low servants and know the most about you here. 

PoA 

Precise as a crab in its skin. 

Tai 
.Some one from my own province — 

PoA 

Question not your master's generosity, wretched fel- 
low. Your past is best buried in obscurity. 



TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 35 

Wang 
Unhappy man, the crime was committed here. 
Who more fitting than these witnesses ? 

POA 

My father-in-law, the tea-leaf eyelids of the Sages 
would quiver at your perfect' comprehension and jus- 
tice. 

Tai 

You will regret this. 

Poa 
Very like. I am tender-hearted and ever hate to 
witness suffering. 

Wang 

I depart to seek the law books. " To foster right 
among the people — to honor the ghosts of the dead 
while keeping aloof from them may be called Wisdom." 

Poa 
For a theft of over a thousand gold pieces it is hang- 
ing, is it not? My ring was worth twenty thousand. 

Wang 

That is the penalty. 

Poa 
And that this should defile your garden! In my 
grief for you I feel sorrow and desire for my ring 
passing away. Is it not dangerous to leave these men 
with the prisoner? He might confer falsely or even 
divulge the hiding place of the ring, and they escape. 



36 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 

Wang 

True. Is he well tied ? 

Guard 
Perfectly. (Tai-Lo is roped hand and foot.) 

Wang 

He Is as safe there as a clipped sparrow, and we will 
guard the gates. Come, men, you will be allowed to 
confer with the prisoner for his defense under our 
eyes. Ah, if all would hark to the words of the Sage 
— " Living on coarse rice and water with a bent arm 
for pillow, mirth may be ours, but ill-begotten wealth 
and honors^are to me a wandering cloud." 

POA 

We are not all born with the righteousness of Con- 
fucius in our breath as you are, my esteemed father-in- 
law-to-be. 

{They walk out slowly) 

Guard 
{In Tai-Lo's ear) 
Tell me where it is — that ring — 

Tai 
You knave! 

Guard 
Remember then — by Kong-Fu-Tsu, I'll say you 
swallowed it, and then — {He makes the motion of 
ripping open Tai's body with a knife.) It is not 
pleasant even with a sharp knife — and I doubt if they 
wait to hang you first. 



TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 37 

. Wang 

{Calling) 
Come here, you loiterers ! 

Guard 
I was but tightening the ropes. » 

{The Guards go out.) 

(Ll-Tl enters on tip-toe. She sways, and ad- 
vances very slowly. Suddenly, very swiftly, 
she stoops and feels in a flower bed. Tai-Lo 
whistles a little tune.) 

Li-Ti 

{Her hands behind her) 
You are spying on me! Oh! 

Tai 
If you move your celestial path to another circle, I 
cannot see you. 

Li-Ti 

Oh, poor gardener — you are bound ! Does it hurt ! 

Tai 
A little, but not so much as that you should see me so. 

Li-Ti 
You do look funny ! Ah, I did not mean that — I 
will see that you are unbound. I want to hear you 
talk again. I hate to see you so. Can't you move? 

Tai 

My position is honorably uncomfortable. Your 



38 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 

august father is pleased to accuse me of taking your 
estimable husband-to-be's ring. 

Li-Ti 

But you did not. They were estimably In the 
wrong. . 

Tai 

You believe I did not steal? Your words are as 
sweet as the song of the Fung-Noang, the wonder- 
birds. 

Li-Ti 

Would It free you If the ring were found? If the 
emerald the size of a pigeon's egg and the value of 
sixty pagodas of pearl were to be spaded up in this 
flower-bed ? 

Tai 

I am afraid not. 

Li-Ti 

It would not matter? 

Tai 

You are pleased? 

Li-Ti 

Oh, it is only a little matter — something to do with 
myself, and not at all important as your troubles are. 
It is only that if the ring were not found, I heard it 
said that Poa-Ting-Fang — my husband-to-be — would 
look upon me with frowning, and not take me to his 
house, but go away. 



TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 39 

Tai 
You do not want to marry him? 

Li-Ti 

I have heard that he is old and ugly and stupid, and 
likes dry things to learn by rote instead of — of know- 
ing nice pretty flower stories such as — 

Tai 
As I know? 

Li-Ti 
Yes. But I must not take up all the time with this 
idle chatter of my affairs. There must be found a 
way to free you and then the ring will never be found. 
Oh, I would stamp it to pieces myself rather than that, 
and I would never have to learn any more stupid lists 
for Ting- Fang — only funny flower stories here in the 
garden with you, and we would be so happy and care- 
free. Wouldn't we? 

Tai 
It would be as a thousand springtimes. I wish it 
were possible. 

Li-Ti 
Why not? 

Tai 
You yourself have poured water on the last spark 
of hope. 

Li-Ti 
You think the ring could free you after all? 

Tai 

If anything. But speak not of that. 



40 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 

Li-Ti 
I must {in a very faint voice) ; and the ring shall 
be found. 

Tai 
I hope not, for your honorable" sake. You will stay 
in the garden and talk to the bright lilies, and all the 
wicked lacquered goblins on the cornice of the house of 
Ting-Fang shall wriggle their fire-colored tongues in 
vain, for they shall not have you to eat. 

Li-Ti 

But I should not like it if you were not here. 

Tai 

You think so? To-night even in the great citron 
light of sunset when the Three Councillors open their 
cold bright eyes in the Northern sky, you will have 
forgotten. 

Li-Ti 

No! Your ghost would come to me. 

Tai 

Do not fear for me. " Those who have not tasted 
the bitterest of Life's bitters can never appreciate the 
sweetest of Life's sweets." And even if the emerald 
should be found growing like a celestial magic leaf upon 
these flower stems, there are those to say I hid it, and 
that is theft confessed. 

Li-Ti 

But if some one else were to say he took it? 



TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 41 

Tai 

jewel in the lotus, do you think others wait to 
hang in my stead ? 

Li-Ti 

(Slowly) 

1 could not live, and think that I had harmed you. 

Tai 
That is very kind. 

Li-Ti 

You do not believe me? It is true! 

Tai 

Did you not just say, Almond Flower, that it was 
your happiness for the ring not to be found? That 
is proof. 

Li-Ti 
When I think of going with that dreadful old man, 
it is like holding my hand in a crab's tooth. But a 
way will be found to free you. It must. 

Tai 
To argue with you, little one, is like throwing water 
in a frog's face. 

Li-Ti 
Oh, you are so funny! Have I a face like a frog? 

Tai 
More like a lotus petal. 



42 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 

Li-Ti 
Ah, I cannot bear it ! I must tell you — it is a 
secret — 

Tai 
Tell me. The dead have no tongues to wag. 

Li-Ti 

Don't say it! Tai-Lo, you are not going to die! 

Tai 
That is nonsense. What is your secret ? 

Li-Ti 
It is that I — Oh, I dare not — I cannot — {She 
hides her face behind her fan.) 

Tai 

Your esteemed father and his honorable guest your 
husband-to-be are approaching. It would not be 
seemly that they find you in converse with a prisoner. 

Li-Ti 

(Looking up steadily over her fan) 
Good-by. Tai-Lo. 

Tai 
Good-by. 

(Li-Tl vanishes in the bushes.) 
(Wang-Chu-Mo and Poa-Ting-Fang enter, 
followed by servants bearing two high gilded 
chairs. Two others carry parasols, and an- 
other books, papers, and a long quill pen. One 
man has a heavy rope slung over his arm. At 



TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 43 

a reasonable distance the two governesses follow, 
whispering importantly under their umbrella. 
The bearers put down the chairs and Wang 
and PoA ascends them, the umbrellas being 
held over their heads. A scribe sits cross- 
legged at their feet, with his materials spread 
before him. The governesses stand behind 
Wang's chair, and the servants in a row be- 
hind Poa's. Wang motions for Tai-Lo to be 
unbound. He comes to stand in front of the 
chairs. ) 

Wang 
{Reading from a book) 
*' To leave untaught and then kill is cruelty ; to ask 
full tale without warning is tyranny. To give care- 
less orders and be strict when the day comes is rob- 
bery; to be stingy in rewarding men is littleness." 
Court is open. This man is accused of a theft sur- 
passing the mark of ten thousand gold pieces. I be- 
ing judge of this province may acquit him, or find him 
guilty. If he is found guilty, he may be hanged. 

POA 

{Fanning himself) 
Most suitable, most suitable. 

Wang 

Who stands against this man? 

POA 
{Rising) 
I do. 



44 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 

(Several of the servants bow, and the gov- 
ernesses come forward timidly.) 

Wang 
{Speaking to the Scribe) 
Put down the names. 

POA 

Of US all — 

Wang 

Yes, all except those two. {He points to the two 
guards of Tai-Lo.) They are to speak for the 
prisoner. 

PoA 

{Coldly) 
Ah, those. {He leans over to them.) Merely tech- 
nical, my men, I assure you. There will be no pen- 
alty attached for you if your — ah — client — is found 
guilty. 

Tai 
I will speak for myself. 

Guard 

{In his ear) 
And what have you to say to me? 

Tai 
That you can go to the devil. 

{The guard whispers vindictively.) 

Tal 

You blackguard ! {He falls on the man, half knock- 



TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 45 

inff him down, and is pulled back by the other guard. 
Wang and Poa both rise. The governesses scream,) 

Wang 

{Shrilly) 
Stop It there! How dare you, vagrant beetle that 
you are, interrupt and insult the honor of the court 
before my eyes ! Oh, lamentable viciousness ! 

Poa 
Scandalous ! 

Wang 

{Sinking back in his chair, the guards having pulled 

Tai-Lao back) 

An execrable beginning. 

Poa 
Contemptible. To maul his very fellow defendant! 

Tai 

It is not as you think, Lord Wang; if you will hear 
me, this man — 

Poa 
Out of order. {Fanning.) Tales, tales. 

Wang 

Out of order, certainly! and there is nothing to 
excuse your incredible actions. " The people are the 
root of a country, if the root is firm, the country will 
be tranquil; if the root is rotten, the country break§ 
like a house with a cracked floor." 



46 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 

Guard 
I refuse to answer for this man. I want to accuse 
him — 

PoA 
Very proper spirit, very proper. 

Guard 
I can tell you — 

Wang 

All in appropriate time. Put his name down there. 
{He raps sharply on the arm of his chair with his fan.) 
Proceed! We will omit the formalities and come to 
the accusations. 

Scribe 
(Reading from his papers in a high singsong) 
The gardener, Tai-Lo, is accused of theft in the 
third degree of — 

Poa 
Time presses. 

Wang 

Come to the list of evidence. 

Scribe 
First: He was known to be alone in the garden 
when the great and honorable Lord Poa-Ting-Fang lost 
his most precious emerald ring — clear as the sunset 
after rain — of the size of a pigeon's egg — and the 
value of ten thousand silver mines. He was seen to 
work under the very feet of the great Poa-Ting-Fang 
as the ring slipped from his finger — 



TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 47 

Tai 
If he knew when it fell, why did he not pick it up? 

Wang 

Again, silence. 

POA 

Note that down — if he knew — if he knew. 
{Making a note in his book.) 

Scribe 

Second: He confessed openly to have been a wan- 
dering beggar and questionable character before his 
entering as a gardener only a few days before the 
notable Poa-Ting-Fang was due for a visit, and he 
admitted in the access of his unworthy triumph that he 
had found the gleanings of the garden even more than 
he had expected. 

Ling 

That we found out — 

Lang 

He admitted it to us. 

PoA 
Most admirable example of female intelligence! 

Ling 
( To Lang, as they settle back) 
" A man thinks he knows, but a woman knows 
better." 

Scribe 
Third: The guilty one is known to have confesses! 



48 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 

to taking the ring — into the august ear of Poa-Ting- 
Fang himself. 

POA 

Is that not sufficient? 

Scribe 
Though, being as a weasel in his ways, he will not 
confess where he has hid away the jewel. {He rolls 
up his paper, and sits down.) 

Tai 
Poa-Ting-Fang has made my confession incomplete 
because he does not know any more than I do where 
the ring is. 

POA 

Does the court permit this slander on my person? 

Wang 
We will hear the man though his ridiculous insinua- 
tions are hardly worth the attentions of our august ear. 
" But he who contains himself goes seldom wrong," 
says the wise man. We will listen though it be wind 
in our ears. 

PoA 
" Politeness before force." 

Tai 

I have not seen the ring. 

Poa 

That is an — ah — inaccuracy. The person has 
seen the jewel on this very hand, flashing in the §un 



TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 49 

before his greedy eyes — as I walked in the garden. 
Could any one have overlooked the sacred emerald of 
the house of Fang? Of the value of five hundred 
Ming vases all fragile as the wings of a moth? His 
statement is worthless. 

Tai 
Yes, my uncle, my esteemed and proud relative, I 
have seen the ring — on my father's finger it was — my 
father — whose estates you will steal to your own ends 
— seen it with my eyes — the eyes of Fang-Tai — my 
father's son. 

POA 

His guilt has gone to his head. Too bad, too bad. 
" Memory makes dizzy his thought like the perfume of 
some venomous flower." 

Wang 
What proof have you for this monstrous imper- 
tinence? 

Tai 
'' When a bird is to die his note is sad, when a man 
is to die, his words are true." Do you deny that I am 
your nephew, Lord Ting-Fang? 

PoA 
Most certainly. My Lord Wang-Mo, do you per- 
mit this man to question whether I know my own 
nephew? Indeed " if the tongue have no fear, words 
are hard to make good." 



50 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 

Wang 

Consider which way your tongue goes. How can 
you utter such an assertion? 

POA 

" The charioteer of Resolve has lost control of the 
wild team of Fancy." 

Governesses 
{Behind their fans) 
Very pretty — very pretty. 

(PoA smiles indulgen ly.) 

Tai 
{Holding out an amulet that is a string about his neck) 
I have here the perfect duplicate of the sacred amulet 
of the house of Fang, the secret seal of our ancestors, 
given only to the first sons of our house. 

POA 

Very unlikely. 

Tai 

And any man from our province would know me — 
I can tell you the secret and inmost furnishings of our 
palace — 

Poa 

The man must have a whole band of accomplices to 
lie for him. 

Governesses 
" Evil is not hermit. It has ever neighbors." 



TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 51 

POA 

Exact and just. 

Tai 

Do you deny, Poa-Ting-Fang, that in the hidden 
corner of your chamber — 

POA 

Whose word is to be taken — this vagabond's or 
mine? Are my household gods to be dragged out and 
shamed before the whole countryside — and in the 
mouth of every lying rascal? I have said that he is a 
thief. My word is used as carelessly as a lead penny. 
(He rises.) This court shall keep me no longer. I 
will go forth, and say that it is no court. 

Wang 

My most exalted guest, your word is as valuable as 
a ruby. Into a court is sifted both chaff and grain. 
We must winnow all. Be satisfied that the affair will 
be settled here — and take it no further. (PoA seats 
himself.) 

PoA 

{Sulkily) 
" Long visits make short compliments.'* 

Wang 
You have an amulet? 

PoA 

Like most gardeners — apes are we all. 



52 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 

Governesses 
Yes, yes, apes. 

Wang 

Speak slowly — and take heed of your words — 
concerning it. The offense is great. How can you 
prove your assertion here and now? 

Tai 

The amulet is cut so cunningly that it fits into a 
hidden part of the ring of our house. 

PoA 

And the ring is lost! Very neat, very neat. 

Wang 

You testify to your own guilt. 

Tai 
I dare you to find the ring, Poa-Ting-Fang. 

Guard 
He can't do it ! He can't do it ! 

Wang 

Why not? 

Guard 
{Pointing to Tai-Lo) 
Because he's swallowed it! 

All 
Swallowed it! 



I 



TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 53 

Tai 

That — that is too absurd ! 

Guard 

( Vindictively ) 
When he knew he was caught — he did it — to hide 
his guilt — 

Tai 

And how do you prove that? 

Guard 

{Significantly) 
There is one way to prove it — quick and sure. 

Wang 

This is most distressing! 

POA 

Most shocking to my delicate sensibilities — 

Guard 

Will you hang him first? My Lord, does such a 
liar deserve it ? 

PoA 
Perhaps the guard is right — and since the man 
claims to exalted ancestry, however knavish his asser- 
tions, that is a more — ah — aristocratic way of — ah 
committing suicide. But, oh, my tender perceptions. 

Wang 

I must complete my duty and the law. 



54 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 

Guard 

{Delightedly producing a knife in one hand and a rope 

in the other) 

Have I your august permission to — 

{The bushes part suddenly and Ll-Tl appears.) 



No! 

My daughter! 



Li-Ti 

{Shrilly) 

Wang 



POA 

My future bride! {He modestly hides his face be- 
hind his fan.) 

Wang 

This is the culmination of unseemliness! Unhappy 
girl! 

Li-Ti 
{Prostrating herself) 
I will walk in obedience all my life. I will be faith- 
ful and light lanterns before all the household gods, 
and obey your slightest eyelid quiver as your most sub- 
servient and unworthy wife, my Lord Ting-Fang, but 
I cannot live and know that such a crime was done in 
my name. 

Wang 
In your name? 

Li-Ti 
Oh, a thousand pardons, most august and best of 



TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 55 

fathers — ten thousand, O most exalted husband-to-be 
— but I with my miserable eyes had never beheld the 
countenance of my Lord Ting-Fang — and knew that 
he could care naught for one so lowly as I — and I 
found — O, a million apologies, most celestial ones — 
that my unworthy heart was not with him — that it lay 
in the hand of another — and when I heard — from 
all mouths that my Lord Ting-Fang would not have 
me if his ring were not found — I thought only of 
myself in my unhappiness — and I saw the ring where 
it lay fallen in our most unworthy garden, slipped 
from his august finger — and I stole it. 

Wang 

You! 

Li-Ti 

Yes. Cover me with a thousand confusions. Bury 
me forever in the cold cells of the sacred Pagoda. But 
do not harm Tai-Lo. {She holds out her hand.) 
Here it is. 

POA 

{Coming suddenly down from his chair) 
Let me see. 

• Tai 
{Forestalling him, and covering the ring with his 

hand) 
No. 

Ling 
{Catching a sleeve of Ll-Tl and pulling her back) 
Little spider — is this how j^ou reward our teaching! 



56 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 

Lang 

{Pulling her by the other sleeve) 
" The five worst infirmities that afflict women 
are—" 

Wang 
Peace. 

Tai 
Behold; my Lord Wang. {He holds the ring and 
his amulet together in his hand,) 

Wang 
Complete. How strange indeed are the Gods! 

Tai 

There will now be time to prove more — 

POA 

{With a majestic wave of his hand) 
My worthy and honorable Lord Wang-Chu-Mu, 
and others that are here, I admit that this person is 
unfortunately my nephew. I admit that I denied him 
before you. I admit that I would rather have my 
tender, high-strung sensibilities racked to their core 
as they would have been by the shedding of my own 
flesh and blood and the thrice regrettable demise of 
my unfortunate nephew than to have the lands of my 
ancestors ravaged and the gods of my household pro- 
faned by falling into the hands of a profligate and a 
waster. But through the interruption of, I may say 
with a blush, your unmaidenly daughter, all this can- 
not be. But the hem of my skirt will be clear of it 
from now on. I resign my lands into the hands of 



TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 57 

this rascal, preferring that they perish quickly and 
without the open scandal of a lawsuit with such as he. 
And you, Wang-Mu, I congratulate you that you have 
not had the inconvenience of having your daughter re- 
turned to you, as she surely must have been had I seen 
her in my house. I leave her to my nephew. I fear 
they are only too well suited to each other. I have 
the pleasure of bidding you an honorable farewell. 
And try, I beg you, though I fear it will be difficult, to 
remember that " A gentleman is consistent and change- 
less and a combination of art and nature well blent." 

{He moves off with great dignity, signing to a 
man to follow him with an umbrella. All 
bow. ) 

Wang 
Alas ! Like the famous man, " He wears a mask of 
love but his deeds belie it." 

Ling 

Such a splendid creature! 

Lang 

Like the full moon his face, with eyebrows like 
swallows' wings — 

Tai 

My uncle has always dignity and discretion. 

Wang 

Completely polite. 

(Poa-Ting-Fang disappears.) 



58 TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 

Tai 

May I have the honor of suggesting that I am now 
as my uncle — though undoubtedly somewhat less 
august and complete in my gifts — and stand in the 
most exalted shoes of j^our son-in-law-to-be? 

Wang 

I will consult the law upon that most desirable 
point. My garden is yours, and my house — and all 
that I have. 

{He goes off slowly, followed by the scribe, 
chair and the others. All bow deeply.) 

Tai 
(To Li-Ti) 
So that was your secret? 

Li-Ti 

{Prostrating herself) 
Oh, most honorable lord, forgive my boldness. 

Tai 

{Lifting her to him) 
You would have sacrificed yourself so no harm 
should come to me. It gives faith to a poor vagabond 
to take up the works of his ancestors again. 

{The bearers come back with Ll-Tl's chair. 
She ascends it.) 

Tai 

I shall remember that the first day I saw you was 
the birthday of a thousand flowers, and each succeeding 
day will be the unfolding of a new petal. 



TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 59 

Li-Ti 
Oh, most honorable one! I will have no more se- 
crets from you — I will tell you all. 

Tai 

In a garden — where there are plenty of bees. {He 
bows. The bearers carry off her chair, LiNG and 
Lang follow.) 

{As the chair reaches the opposite of the pool 
Ll-Tl leans out and throws him a kiss. Tai- 
Lo follows them out slowly,, humming the same 
tune as when he first came into the garden.) 



6o TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 
FOR OUTDOOR PRODUCTION 

OF 

TOLD IN A CHINESE GARDEN 

Any garden could be used for this play. 

To make it appear Chinese, large flat gray sil- 
houettes, cut to represent the stone lanterns and pagoda 
ornaments so often seen in Chinese gardens could be 
easily made, and placed about. 

It is pretty to have a little walk or vista down which 
the processions can come on entering the garden. The 
bright colored costumes are very effective against the 
green. 

For amateur production, Chinese costumes and prop- 
erties are easy to find, and the coolie costumes can be 
very effective with soft colored smocks and peaked 
straw hats. 

FOR INDOOR PRODUCTION 

A simple scene would be — 

A white wall extends across the back of the stage, 
with a little red door let in on one side, through which 
the characters enter infto the garden. The top of the 
wall is colored with a band of scarlet, blue and gold 
tiles, and perhaps the curving scarlet tip of a Chinese 
roof shows over the top of the wall against the vivid 
blue sky. The grass in the garden is very bright green, 
with a little pebble path running through it, and prim 
flower beds against the wall, and in the foreground, 
brilliant, stiff flowers. On either side, stunted, Chinese 
pines, in lacquered pots. For ornament, two red lac- 
quered sitting Chinese dogs guarding the door in the 
v^all. 



PAN PIPES 
A Woodland Play 



PAN PIPES ^ 

A Woodland Play 

Scene. A wooded hillside. 
Time. A summer afternoon. 



CHARACTERS 

Harry, of the Luxurio Stores, 
Clare, his fiancee. 
A Nymph. 

The Faun. 

1 Copyright, 1919, by Constance Wilcox. 



PAN PIPES 
(A Fairy Tale) 

^ I jHE scene is an open hillside with long grass, 
m sunlit and rippling in the wind. On either 

"^ side woodland encroaches with old gray trees 
and thick twisted undergrowth, A gnarled oak stands 
out a little by itself, against a blue and white sky. A 
shrill piping is heard to drift across from the wood. It 
is high and eerie and suddenly melts into silence, 

Harry and Clare appear from the back over the 
curve of the hillside. Harry is a stocky youth in the 
latest of pink shirts and black and white check trousers. 
He carries his coat over his arm and fans himself with 
a very new straw hat. His face is red and hot and his 
dark hair plastered in a ivet straggle over his fore- 
head. Clare is a tiny creature in bright green, her 
hands thrust in the sagging pockets of her sweater. 
She is capped with a turned up black and green silk 
sport hat. Under its close brim her hair puffs out each 
side of her pointed face, a bright straw yellow. She 
is quite pale but gives the effect of color because of 
her incessant motion. 

Harry 

{Puffing) 
Nobody here. I said as there wouldn't be. 



64 PAN PIPES 

Clare 
Oh, let's go just a bit further, Harry. It's such 
larks, exploring. And I'm sure I heard something — 
a sort of whistling like. 

Harry 

Wish it was an umpire's whistle. No such luck. 
Well, it couldn't be no hotter on the bleachers than it 
is here. Believe me. 
{He wipes his forehead with a pink handkerchief) 

And stiller'n the tombs at that. 

Clare 
{Looking about) 
I guess maybe it was just a locust I heard. But it's 
greener up here than it was down there somehow. Oh, 
it is pretty! 

Harry 
{Wading forward in the grass) 
Bugs and grass. That comes cheap. This is the 
rummest excursion the Luxurio Stores ever put across 
since I've been handlin' their taffetas. Lordy. Bare- 
foot dancin' by a gang of high brows in a Jersey side- 
track. Lordy. {He reaches the oak and stands pant- 
ing in its shade.) 

Clare 
{With a little twirl) 
They were class. Mrs. Gethem says they was — 
was nymphs, she said, in the real Greek colors. 

Harry 
Cheesecloth. Dyed. Fifteen a yard — wholesale. 



PAN PIPES 65 

Clare 
(With a toss of her head) 
You're so bourgeoise, Harry. It's all the go these 
separate dances. It was a dance to Pan they was doin', 
the professor man told me. It looked like lots of fun. 
{She takes a light step or tzuo.) You go just where 
you feel like. {She twinkles her fingers as she whirls ^ 
as if playing a Pans pipe.) It comes natural. Isn't 
that pretty? {Her hat falls off. She catches it, and 
turns suddenly.) There — you clapped your hands. 

Harry 

{Fanning himself with his hat) 

I did not. Give me a jazz fox-trot every time. 

Not but what you've got 'em all tied to a standstill for 

looks, Clare. Always had. I picked some winner for 

my best girl. 

Clare 
{Coming towards him, puzzled) 
Some one did clap their hands. 

Harry 

{Carefully spreading his coat on the grass under 

the oak) 

Some of the poor ginks back there applaudin' an 
encore of the dyed cheesecloth and bare feet to get a 
drag with the boss and his professor friend. Not for 
mine. {He sits down on the coat and pats the grass 
beside him.) If I've got to go to grass I prefers to 
pick my company. 



66 PAN PIPES 

Clare 
{Dropping down quickly^ beside hinij her hat in 

her lap) 
I like the grass. I do. And it smells simply won- 
derful. It's great up here — just you and me in the 
sun and green — 

Harry 
{Patting her hand) 
Here's to it. But no fresh air fund stuff for yours 
truly. Coney has the same green effect with good 
little old railways running through it. Zip-wow — 

Clare 
{Pulling away with a little laugh. She spills over 
backwards on the grass) 
Oh — and I'd just rather roll down this hill! 

Harry 
What's eatin' you ? Want a little cheesecloth dress to 
caper with the rest of the bosses' highbrow entertain- 
ers? Some little annual picnic. Lordy. They're all 
crazy as katydids. And now you've got 'em. 

Clare 

{Kneeling in the grass, arranging her rumpled tousel 

of straw colored hair) 

There's lots of things different from what you and 

I have always known. The store — and Coney — and 

the movies — 

Harry 
Not forgettin' some future manoeuvers with furni- 
ture on the instalment. 



PAN PIPES 67 

Clare 
{Busy with her hair) 
There's other things. When we're all hustlin' in 
the city with so many people and houses about I don't 
hear 'em. But up here. {She looks about.) It's as 
if my mind just started talkin' to me because every- 
thin' else was so still. There's lots of things we don't 
know about, Harry. 

Harry 

I'd just as soon do without. If the bare foot trip- 
pin' about we was brought up here to enjoy 's a sample. 

Clare 
{Staring) 
What's that you're sitting against, Harry? 

Harry 

{Shifting, and revealing a squarish boulder , lichen- 
covered and worn with time) 
A stone. Look out or you'll give me the jumps. 

Clare 
{Intently, as she moves near) 
It's — it's squarish, isn't it — and flat on top — and 
oh — it's got sort of marks on its sides. 

Harry 

See here. The sun's gone to your head. Put on 
your hat. 

Clare 
{With a laugh as she jumps up and runs to the stone) 

Oh, it is. I'm sure it is — one of those stones the 



68 PAN PIPES 

professor was telling us about. He said there used 
to be lots about the hills — altar stones to Pan, he 
called them. Funny square stones with a little scoop 
in the top to catch the rain — look, here it is — 

Harry 
{Edging away nervously) 
Well, what of it? Why didn't the precious dancers 
gyrate about this if it was so grand? I guess it was 
too blooming hot for them. {He yawns.) 

Clare 
{Excitedly, as she balances herself on the stone) 
They would have if they'd known it was here, I 
guess. That was who they was dancin' to — Pan. 

Harry 
{Stretching himself) 
Who's he? 

Clare 
But the professor says nobody knows just where 
these stones will be or who put them here — that's 
the fun of it. Only — only sometimes people used to 
think Pan did it. He was a sort of god, you know — 
big and strong with hoofs like a goat, and lives in the 
woods — 

Harry 
{Sleepily) 
Bunk. 

Clare 
They — they said he used to come and drink out 



PAN PIPES 69 

of the rain water in the hollow and after that the 
water was magic. Oh look ! There's some here now ! 
{She dips her finger in it.) 

Harry 

Bunk. 

Clare 

But think what fun to have believed it. Oh — I'm 
sorry I can't believe it, too. I'm sorry they're noth- 
ing but fairy-tales. Don't laugh, Harry. 

Harry 
{JVho has slumped down on the other side of the tree, 
and is now preparing for a nap) 
I didn't laugh. I wasn't that entertained. {He 
rolls up his coat and thumps it into a pillow ») 

Clare 
{Indignantly, slipping off the stone) 
You did laugh. I heard you. 

Harry 
When you come to, wake me. {He turns over.) 

Clare 
{Stamping) 
Oh, sleep if you want to be so stupid. You're a pig. 
Nothing but a big pink pig! {She shoves him with 
her foot.) 

Harry 
{Sitting up sulkily and looking very like what she just 

called him) 
Say, I guess you're just a little bit above yourself. 



70 . PAN PIPES 

Ain't you, Clare? You have been ever since we come 
into this silly w^ood. It ain't anything that's the matter 
with your old Harry? Is it? You know I couldn't 
breathe much if I thought that. {He pulls her wrist.) 

Clare 
No. Of course not. It's just — (She hammers 
on the grass with one fist) that you don't understand. 

Harry 
Now what don't I ? 

Clare 
Oh — just how I like the — the grass and the sun 
and everything. I could eat it. 

Harry 
{Running his fingers through his hair) 
It makes me sick. It does. It's enough to turn the 
gall of any straight American. That's what comes of 
taking decent people out to see these new fool fan- 
dangle idiotic dances in the woods — to Gods what 
never was anyhow and least of all here. 

Clare 
Oh, they were — they were — It's not just the 
country. It's not just Jersey or Greece or any place. 
They were everywhere where there were woods. 

Harry 
Yes — and what do you get out of the woods? Ant 
bites and dirt, and maybe a day's picnic that would be 
a lot cleaner in good little old Coney. Or maybe you'd 



PAN PIPES 71 

like to be a farmer's wife? I guess you know what 
that means all right. They ain't overfond of the sun 
and woods what's all around 'em. What would the 
country do for us? Put us in the hobo class in a 
month. Leave the nature fakin' to the idle rich what 
has automobiles to carry 'em away from it. Don't 
you get your head turned by no high-brow picnic the 
boss gives us all — and a rotten slow one too if you 
ask me. {He subsides towards his coat pillow.) No 
back-woods life for us. 

Clare 
But there must be some way of just — enjoyin' it. 

Harry 
{Recumbent) 
There ain't no way. Fh'es — mosquitoes — hornets 
— dust and five miles to the nearest corner. Lordy. 
Lordy. And hard on the feet — {He shoves up one 
yellow oxford-clad foot and surveys it,) I'm com- 
pletely busted. Say, Clare, you don't mind if I do 
take a little snooze? This country life is rougher on 
me for half a day than six months trampin' the aisle at 
the Stores — and no raise in sight here either. I'll 
just rest up a minute here. You run along if you like 
and see some more of the boss' bare foot entertainers — 
or get in with your friend the professor what planned 
the boss' treat. Treat! Lordy! 

Clare 
{As he settles comfortably down) 
No-o. I'll stay here — and keep off the hornets — 
{She fans with his hat.) 



72 PAN PIPES 

Harry 

(Drowsily) 
Good little Clare. 

(He sleeps. She continues to fan gently , and 
then drops the hat slowly into her lap, and clasps 
her hands on it, looking out over the field.) 
{There comes suddenly the shrill quick piping 
from the wood. It stops.) 

Clare 
{Sitting up on her heels, and pushing back her hair) 
Oh — Yes? 

{The piping comes again louder — and stops as 
suddenly as before. There is a slight crackling 
in the wood.) 

Clare 
Who Is It? {She peers into the wood. Silence.) 
Who Is It? Harry — did you hear that? 

(Harry turns over with a soft grunt. He is 

dead asleep.) 

{The piping sounds again very sharply. There 

is a crashing in the undergrowth — and then a 

laugh.) 

Clare 
{Starting to her feet) 
Oh! That was what laughed before. {She 
shivers.) 

{Suddenly with a breaking of undergrowth a 
girl tears out from the wood. She is very 
slight with thin brown arms and legs twinkling 



PAN PIPES 73 

from a bluish green shift, and dark hair flying 
out behind her. She stumbles on a root as she 
comes into the open, recovers her balance and 
flies over the ground. Her face is twisted back 
over her shoulder and she is gasping with terror. 
She collides suddenly with Clare — leaps back 
and then grasps her again.) 

Girl 
Quick. Run. Quick. He's close behind. Quick. 
{She drags at Clare.) 

Clare 
Who is? 

Girl 
{Pulling her along in an agony of haste. There comes 
further crackling from the bushes she has just left) 
Oh — hurry. Hurry. He'll have us both. It's 
Glaucos the Faun. He's there — and he's seen us. 

Clare 
{Holding her arm) 
Oh, you're one of the dancers. What's the matter? 

Girl 

{Freeing herself with a frantic jump) 
I must get back to my tree. I must. I shouldn't 
have come out — but I thought there were others. 
Oh, he's close here. Stop him. Stop him ! 

{She bolts across the hill into the wood on the 

other side, just as The Faun crashes out of the 

wood behind.) 



74 PAN PIPES 

Clare 
Here. Stop there. Stop! (She gets right in the 
way of The Faun who is running head down. He 
recoils from the collision.) Aren't you ashamed of 
yourself, chasing about like that! 

(The Faun recovers his balance, and with a 
sudden lurch seizes her in his arms.) 

The Faun 

Syrinx ! 

Clare 
{Freeing herself with such a violent wrench that The 
Faun, taken unawares tumbles suddenly backwards) 

How dare you! I'm not Syrinx! 

The Faun 
{IVho has only bounded down like a rubber ball, and 
is now crouched tense, in the grass looking up at her) 
No? Not Syrinx? What are you then? 

Clare 

(Angrily) 
I'm Miss Clare Flaxon of the Luxurio Stores, and 
there's my fiance there, Harry Markem. I guess he'd 
like to wake up and see you treating me like that! We 
came out on the store's annual picnic and we saw you 
dancing, but I don't think the boss would have much 
to say to you if he saw you chasing about this way. 

The Faun 

(Speculatively) 
I'll get her yet. (He grins and looks at the wood 
opposite.) The minx! 



PAN PIPES 75 

Clare 
How could you chase the poor young lady so ! Even 
if it was all play-acting — she looked really scared. 
You frightened her out of her wits. 

The Faun 
(Rising) 
Frightened ! Was ever creature so absurd ! She 
loves it. The chase. The wind in her face. The 
excitement. The scant breath. She lives for it! 

Clare 
She looked just exhausted to me. And I should 
think she would be with all that dancing down there 
in the glade — and all the encores we gave them. 

The Faun 
What ! (He stares and then drops suddenly back- 
ward on the grass and rolls about with shrieks of 
laughter.) Oh, you thought her one of those dancers 
in the glade — one of those splay footed — clumsy — 
heavy imitations. Oh, I shall die of laughter. You 
thought her one of those creatures who hopped about 
before people. Oh! OH! {He sits up suddenly 
still shaking with mirth, and points a finger at Clare.) 
Oh, if she should hear it! She would strangle you in a 
tree crotch, or bury you alive in running water. {He 
bowls over again with laughter,) 

Clare 
I don't see anything so funny. What is she then? 
A prima-donna? 



76 PAN PIPES 

The Faun 
{Sitting up on his haunches) 
She is Cloris the nymph and her home is the birch 
tree. And I — {He stands up and stretches to his 
full height.) I am Glaucos the Faun. {He is a 
splendid brown creature with shaggy legs and a vivid 
beautiful face. He wears a vine wreath in his rough 
dark curls and a pans pipe slung over his bare shoul- 
ders. ) 

Clare 
{Retreating a step) 
Oh — you look like — Pan. 

The Faun 
Don't speak sacrilege — Syrinx — I am only a faun. 

Clare 
Who — who are you ? 

The Faun 

I have told you. The Faun, Glaucos. The dweller 
in the hazel thickets. 

Clare 
You — you frighten me somehow. {She smiles un- 
certainly.) But I suppose it's only your funny way. 
{She glances at the sleepifig Harry to reassure her- 
self. ) Every one must have his fun. 

The Faun 
Yes! Every one must have his fun. So I came 
out to-day. Oh, and it has been fun! Those dances 



PAN PIPES 77 

in the glade by those fat imitations ! I nearly split my 
sides. {He laughs.) 

Clare 

You're as bad as Harry. I thought they were very 
pretty. So graceful and soothing sort of. It's a pity 
there aren't any more nymphs and — and fauns really 
to dance. It would be nice. I'm kind of sorry there 
aren't any. 

The Faun 
{Creeping towards her) 

Oh, aren't there? Aren't there any? Who is it 
runs through the woods at night? You can hear the 
thud of their feet on the dead leaves. Who is it has 
just left the undergrowth all trembling as you enter 
it? Who laughs in your ear when you are alone on 
the hills? Who watches from behind tree trunks, and 
splashes just a little way up the brook? Who stole 
those who went into the woods and never came out? 
What was it you saw running in the fields at twilight? 
{His face is thrust close into hers.) 

Clare 
{Recoiling) 
Oh, don't! I'm afraid. Oh! It is silly of me 
to be frightened at things that aren't real. Isn't it ? 

The Faun 

I am here. The faun. I am strong as wind and 

hot as fire. Touch me. {He advances as she steps 

back from him.) It is I who hurl the branches down 

from the living trees in the storm. I ani so strong I 



78 PAN PIPES 

can throttle the wood beasts with one hand — while I 
laugh. 

Clare 
Horrible! 

The Faun 
Beautiful! Have you never run through the night 
with the stars swimming all about you — or plunged 
in an ice black pool to come up ringed with silver — 

Clare 
I am dreaming. Like Harry, I am dreaming. 

The Faun 
(^Standing above the prostrate and gently breathing 

Harry) 

Like Harry! {He throws back his head and 
laughs. He leans toivards her.) Yes, dreaming per- 
haps. But differently. In your eyes is the flicker of 
shadows in the wood brook. Your head when it turns 
is the toss of the aspen. Your dreams are real to you 
— and I am in them — not this pig. 

{He stirs Harry with his foot. Harry turns 
over on his back with a gentle sigh. His mouth 
is open.) 

Clare 
{Rushing to the rescue) 

He is my man. Mine. My fiance, and he loves 
me. And I do him. Go away whoever you are or 
I'll wake him now. 



PAN PIPES 79 

The Faun 
{Crouching, his face working) 
Which Is more real to you — this snoring creature, 
far enough away from you now in his sodden sleep, and 
a future with him that you know no more of, in some 
noisy, dirty slatternly city where you will become one 
with the greasy ugly humans about — where you will 
lose all semblance of the loveliness you have now and 
be some one you cannot even picture. Which is the 
more real to you — that — or the whisper in your 
ear that the hills are free to you — take them — take 
them — and the shimmer before your eyes that some- 
thing waits for you just over their crests? Syrinx — 
Syrinx — {His voice grows soft — a melting whis- 
per.) Do not wake. 

Clare 
What are you? 

The Faun 
{Coming towards her) 
I am the magic in life. Believe in me. 

Clare 
I almost do. 

The Faun 
{Standing passive) 
I am waiting — Syrinx. 

Clare 
{In a burst) 
Show me something to prove you are real. Show 
me! 



8o PAN PIPES 

The Faun 

(With a little smile) 
Once you have touched me — willingly. Once I 
hold you in my arms — willing — You are one of us. 
You will know it. 

Clare 
{Approaching him — trembling) 
How — how will I know it? 

The Faun 
You will be as air — and sunlight — transparent to 
human eyes. But you will be as free as they — as 
immortal. You will be young forever. Come. But 
you must be willing. {His voice caresses.) Surely 
to touch — surely to be free cannot hurt you ? 

Clare 
I should — I should love to be young forever. 

{She touches his arm. She reaches up timidly 
towards his shoulder. He seizes her suddenly 
and kisses her. Then, still holding her, he 
throws back his head and laughs loud and long. 
Clare struggles and frees herself with a jerk.) 

Clare 
Oh, I am frightened. I am. It's horrible. Go 
away. Harry! Harry! 

(The Faun continues to laugh, holding its 
sides. ) 

(Harry sits up with a jerk. He looks about 
him. wildly.) 



PAN PIPES 8i 

Harry 
(In a voice still thick with sleep) 
That you? Clare? Are you calling me? Clare! 

Clare 
Here I am. Here I am. Oh hold me, Harry. 
I'm frightened. 

Harry 

{Jumping to his feet, fully awake) 
Clare! {He glares wildly about.) 

Clare 
Here! Here! Before you. Don't you see me! 

Harry 

{Lurching out towards her, and past her) 

Where are yoii? Are you hiding, Clare? Is it a 

trick? I can hear your voice — just faintly. I'll 

catch you yet. You wait. {He looks up the tree, 

then around it.) 

Clare 
Harry! Look at me! Look at me! 

Harry 
{Peering into the branches of the tree) 
That's what I'm trying to do. Oh, come on down, 
Clare — the joke's over. Where are you anyway ? 

The Faun 
{With a sidelong leap, circling the tree, and peering 
out from behind the trunk) 
Anywhere — everywhere — in the shadow — in the 



82 PAN PIPES 

sun, as long as the sun and shadow play. {He grim- 
aces, and blows in Harry's face,) 

Harry 

Bother the wind. Clare — where are you ? Clare ! 
Don't tease me like this. I never would 'a wanted 
to hurt your feelings, Clare! 

Clare 
{Sobbing) 
Give him back to me! Let him see me! Take 
away this awful thing. {She grovels in the grass be- 
fore the faun.) I feel something burning me. Take 
it away. 

The Faun 

{Prancing just before her, pointing at her with out- 
stretched arm) 

You gave willingly — and it is given forever. 
Laugh. And it will burn away all your memories. 

Clare 
No. No. Help me. Help me. 

Harry 

{Leaning up against the tree trunk, looking about) 

What's that? I'm coming. {He starts away,) 

Clare 
{Gasping) 
No! I'm here. Here with you. 



PAN PIPES 83 

Harry 

(Returning — worried) 
Then where are you? 

The Faun 
{Coming near her, still pointing) 
I will come for another kiss — and then — you will 
be all with us. You will be an aspen tree, and your 
bright hair will shake in the breeze with its leaves. 
But when I call, you will break out of the bark, and 
run until I capture you again. {He throws back his 
head and suddenly capers off in a great circle, about 
them.) 

Clare 
I am here, Harry. Here at your feet. Only you 
can't see me. {She gulps.) I — I am bewitched I 
think. You never will see me any more. I — I will 
be an aspen tree! {She collapses on the grass.) 

Harry 
What's that? I can't hear you. 

Clare 
The faun — he came out of the wood — and — and 
Harry, he kissed me. I let him. Forgive me. For- 
give me. 

Harry 
{To himself) 
I don't hear anything any more. 

The Faun 
{Approaching) 
It's beautiful to be free — Syrinx. As soon as you 



84 PAN PIPES 

laugh you will forget — and I will come for you. 
{He prances before Harry.) She has gone into the 
wood, man. Go after her. It is a pretty place, the 
wood, with green thickets that might hide anything. 
Come along. Ill show you. {He dances ahead.) 

Clare 
{Rising) 

No! No! No! 

The Faun 
Look at him. He doesn't hear you. He is only 
a lump, and you are immortal with the sunlight now. 
He will never hold you again. You are for me. 
Syrinx. I will come back for you — alone. 

Clare 
I hate you. You are horrible. You have no heart! 
Let me go back ! 

The Faun 
{Dancing and pointing his finger at her) 
Never. The immortals have no heart, and no mem- 
ory. Laugh and you will be an immortal. Laugh. 
La.ugh. 

Clare 
{Sobbing) 
Never to remember anything! Never to be human 
again ! 

The Faun 
When I return I will make you laugh. {He dances 



PAN PIPES 85 

off and circles Harry.) Come seek your love in the 
thicket, man — and I will scratch you nicely. (He 
laughs and plunges into the wood, Harry after him.) 

Clare 
{She falls face down on the old stone under the oak 

tree) 
Give me back my life! Give me back my life! 

(The Faun and Harry are heard crashing in 
the underbrush. There comes the faint sound 
of pipes, then laughter. Then silence.) 

Clare 
{Sobbing on the stone) 
Whoever you are — God of the woods, you are 
cruel, cruel! 

{There is a breath of silence j and then a voice 
speaks from the oak.) 

Voice 
Who drinks the water on my altar? 

Clare 

{Starting up. Her hand is in the little pool on top 

of the stone and she shakes back her head, some 

drops of its water flying from her hair.) 
What is that! 

Voice 
Who drinks from the stone that has been the drink- 
ing cup of Pan? 

Clare 
I — I do. {She puts her hand dazedly to her 
mouth, and back again to the little pool.) 



86 PAN PIPES 

Voice 
Wish then. Pan tasted it this morning. Wish. 
Would you have no fear? Would you be of those 
who never die? Wish once. It is granted. 

Clare 
What — what do you mean? 

Voice 
The stone is my altar. It is long since mortal has 
tasted the water fallen there. But Pan still lives. 
While there is wind and sun Pan lives. 

Clare 
It — it was true then. This was a magic stone. 
{She touches it bewilder edly.) 

Voice 
I drank from it at dawn. The water that has 
touched the lips of Pan is breath of life to a mortal. 
Are you afraid? 

Clare 
No — somehow I am not afraid any longer. 

Voice 
Wish then. Once. 

Clare 
{Pushing back her hair) 
I — I seem all bewildered. I have forgotten 
things. It's — so misty about — and hot. 



PAN PIPES 87 

Voice 
Wish to live forever in the gold of the hills. Wish 
to fly along the crest of the wind, to learn the secrets 
of the river, to sing with the leaves in the wood. 
Wish. 

{There is a sudden crackling in the bushes, 
Harry emerges, disheveled and panting ) 

Harry 

I don't believe it. I don't believe that you've left 
me. I wouldn't have done this to you, Clare. I 
wouldn't. Won't you tell me where you are? Clare! 
Clare! It's all some dreadful nightmare. {He 
plunges over towards the tree.) Clare! Tell me. 
I'm done up. I am. I feel you're all about, and yet 
you're hid. It's horrible. {He sits down under the 
tree.) Oh, Clare, what have I done to you? Have 
you got up and left me for good ? You're not in the 
wood or anywhere! {He pulls himself together and 
stretches himself out, his folded arms over his face.) 
She'll come back. She must. I'll wait here for her. 
I'll do it if I die for it. 

Clare 
Harry! 

{He does not move.) 

Clare 
Harry! 

Harry 

I never meant to do anything wrong. 



88 PAN PIPES 

Clare 
Oh, I can't hurt you this way. It is horrible. Oh, 
why can't you see me? Why can't you hear me? 
You must! It is all a dream. Oh, I wish it were. 
I wish it were a dream. I do! 

(She leans back suddenly on the old stone. A 
change comes over her face. She sinks down, 
sleepily. Harry stirs, turns over lazily, and 
rises on one elbow.) 

Harry 

{With a yawn, stretching his arms) 

Ah-hum. {He sits up.) You still here, Clare? 
I had a rummy dream. 

Clare 
{Rising from the stone, a little unsteadily) 
I — I think I've been asleep too. I must have been 
— with some sort of queer dream. I don't remember 
just what. My foot's asleep. {She stamps it,) 

Harry 
{Rising, and picking up his coat) 
I dreamt something was chasin' me. I couldn't 
seem to get away from it. We went around in circles 
and the funny part of it was you was mixed up in it 
somehow. Well, I guess that's a sign we'd better 
chase along. Picnic must be most over. {He rubs 
his head.) Queer. I dreamt I was chasin' you, too. 
And you wasn't at the picnic or nowhere. Just 
laughed at me. It was hot, too. 



PAN PIPES 89 

Clare 
It is hot. I — I don't think somehow it's as nice 
here as when we first came. I don't guess I like the 
country much after all. (She looks about.) It's sort 
of queer and still — and prickly. 

Harry 

(Genially, putting his hat on at an angle) 

What did I tell you? What about a good little 
spin down the asphalt together and something ice cold 
after a movie to-night when we get to town'. Eh? 

Clare 
{With a sigh) 
That sounds mighty good to me. 

{He takes her arm. They move off slowly.) 

Harry 

{Shaking out his coat, and readjusting it over his 

arm) 
I tell you what. Picnics is picnics and the coun- 
try's the country, even with free bare foot dancin' 
thrown in — but somehow it ain't exactly comfortable 
if you ain't bred up on it. Now is it? 

{They walk off behind the hill.) 

The piping is heard again from the thicket. The 
Nymph suddenly appears from the other side. She 
dashes into the open, her hair flying out in the wind. 
The Faun leaps after her They circle the open space 
running madly and then plunge into the wood. 



90 PAN PIPES 



FOR OUTDOOR PRODUCTION OF 
PAN-PIPES 

Any woodland glade will do very prettily for the 
play instead of the scene in the meadow given. It is 
nice to have some undergrowth through which the 
Faun can crash, and a little vista where the Nymph 
runs off through the woods. The Voice of Pan, of 
course comes from a person seated behind the big tree 
that is essential for a center — (This person can also 
very easily act as prompter.) 



FOR INDOOR PRODUCTION OF 
PAN-PIPES 

At the back, a misty green gauze drop with slim 
high trunks of trees cut out in flat soft gray silhouettes 
against it. On the sides huge dark trees, their 
branches meeting overhead. All the trees can be made 
flat colored, and silhouetted to the audience. The ef- 
fect is very eerie and striking. In the center, the high, 
dark gnarled oak with the rough stone altar beneath. 
The light is the flickering green and gold of sunlight 
in the woods. 

It is better not to try to make the scenery of this 
play realistic or elaborate. It is an elfin play, and 
much depends on the suggestion of the uncanny. 



FOUR OF A KIND 

A Play for a Boat 



FOUR OF A KIND ^ 

A Play for A Boat 

Scene. The deck of a sm'all sailing craft. 
Time. A South Sea afternoon: 

CHARACTERS 

Jake. 

Crawls. 

Smike. 

Wang-Sing. 

Father Jerolomen. 

1 Copyright by Constance Wilcox. 



FOUR OF A KIND 

r'HE scene is the deck of a smallish sailing craft, 
the idle sails and rigging outlined against an 
intense blue sky. Jake and Crawls come out 
of the cabin, and throw themselves down to play cards 
in the shadow of the deck-house. Jake is a burly 
giant, his head tied with a red handkerchief, silver 
rings in his ears, and his blue shirt rolled up over arms 
as hard and broivn as the ship mast. Crawls is a 
little twisted creature in dingy black, with pasty face 
and a nervous twite hy way. He props himself up 
against the deck-house, with his thin legs out in front 
of him, and holds his cards up close to his face. Jake 
is sprawled on the deck. There are counters a*nd 
some small copper coins in front of them. In the dis- 
tance. Father Jerolomen promenades slowly along 
the small space of deck in the vivid sunlight. His 
head, in its black shovel hat is bent, and his hands 
clasped behind him. He is very slight and stoop shoul- 
dered. He wears a black clerical robe, 

Jake 

{Throwing down his cards) 
Four Jacks. It's mine. {He pulls sonve of the 
coins towards him.) 

Crawls 
{As he throws down his cards, with a sniffle) 
That's the third time I've lost running. And there's 

93 



94 FOUR OF A KIND 

only five of my bits left. {His voice is high and whin- 
ing.) 

Jake 
{Shuffling) 
You don't play bold enough, Crawls. It's like 
walkin' with a crab to throw with you. Step up. 
Step up. {He deals.) 

(Father Jerolomen comes around th-e cabin 
corner. He stops and looks at the players.) 

Father Jer. 
I am grieved to see this, my friends. 

Jake 

{Without looking up ffom his hand) 
Ah there, Father Jerolomen, we was just takin* ad- 
vantage of the cabin shade, while Smike in there — 
{He jerks his thumb towards the open door of the 
deck house) — 's asleep. — 'Ed 'ave us out 'e would 
— but you wouldn't spoil the rest of a copple o' hard 
laborin' sea-men what's run your craft proper for you 
these weeks. 

Crawls 
We has to do somethin' or we'd strangulate whistlin' 
for the wind. 

Jake 
'Onest and 'armless as doves we are. {His eye 
strays to Crawls' hand that is creeping towards the 
pack of cards.) None of that now, you sneak, or I'll 
crack your neck. 



FOUR OF A KIND 95 

Father Jer. 
{Shaking his head) 
I don't like to see it. When the Hand of the 
Lord has not seen fit to be with this voyage. When 
we have been visited with disappointment. It doesn't 
seem right for the three men who guide this boat to 
spend their time dicing or in sodden sleep. There is 
something ill-omened about it. {He moves on 
slowly.) 

Crawls 
{With a high snicker) 
I've got 'em, I 'ave. {He rakes the coins in.) 

Jake 
{Throwing down his cards) 
Ill-omened all right. What did we come for, I say? 
What kind of a voyage is this that you get nothin' out 
of? It's not like Smike to tote that fool priest home 
after he found there wasn't no game attached. It's 
humiliatin' and I don't like it. {He picks up his 
cards.) Nice job for us what always made our bit 
easy before and not waited for nothin'. 

Crawls 

{Pushing out his counters with a grin) 

We wasn't goin' to wait for much if we'd found 

anythin'. It'd been over the rail with 'im. {He 

jerks his thumb towards the priest.) And quick. I'd 

'a' like to seen it. 

Jake 
But we didn't find nothin'. We've been had. 
That's what. O' course there wasn't nothin' on that 



96 FOUR OF A KIND 

balmy Island but sand. Eight weeks sailin' for — 
sand! Give me two and no fingerin* 'em there. {He 
holds out his hand for the cards. Crawls gives a 
sort of giggle.) What are you grinnin' at? You're 
always snickerin' over somethin' these days. I'd like 
to snicker you for good. I would. 

Crawls 
{Cringing) 

I was just sayin' wasn't It comical like to be had by 
a priest for nothin' but our pay. When we 'ad such 
nice plans and all — us three, and was so careful 
hidin' 'em. 

Jake 
The old shovel has foxed us. That's what. Him 
and his Sainted Island and 'Is Sainted pearls what was 
never there. 

Father Jer. 
{Appearing again around the corner in his walk) 
Ah, my friends — {He lifts his head, and surveys 
them gently.) I cannot bring myself to believe that. 
It was the vision of those great drops of Saints' tears 
that led me Into these strange waters, to recover them 
for the altar. It is I who am unworthy. They would 
not reveal themselves to me. 

Jake 
We'd 'a found 'em all right If they'd 'a been there. 
There wasn't nothin' in that old heap o' stones but 
sandbugs. And you can take that straight. 



FOUR OF A KIND 97 

Father Jer. 
And this is the end — emptiness. {He sits down 
on an overturned bucket, his hands between his knees, 
and looks before him dazedly.) For so long have I 
dreamed of this voyage, of recovering those miracles 
of Votive pearls from the ruins of that unhappy, 
heathen desecrated monastery. Of putting my hand 
under the very stone where the monks hid them before 
the last horrible disaster. 

Crawls 

{Grinning to his cards) 
The blacks slit up every one of 'em. 

Jake 
What you ought to be. 

Father Jer. 

{Oblivious) 

And when I had found the courage. When I put 

my very soul into the venture of this boat. Only 

the hot — cruel — sea — emptiness — emptiness — 

and sand. {He buries his face in his hands.) 

Jake 
{Throwing down his cards) 
J^o fault of ours the place was empty. We thought 
you was tellln' the truth. But they was dreams — 
that's what they was. 

Father Jer. 
{Rising, with a burst of passion) 
Dreams! Dreams! Mockery! {He goes to the 



98 FOUR OF A KIND 

railing and looks out over it.) And a burning, un- 
believing sky! 

* 

Crawls 
Dream on, old crow back. (Father Jer. walks 
slowly away.) 

Jake 
You're just a little too cozy with yourself lately, 
matey. It don't sit well on you. 

Crawls 
I ain't cozy. {Whining.) Ain't I fooled with the 
rest? Didn't I hanker after them pearls — soft — 
with fair divvies for the three of us, when what we 
had was 'ard sailin' with a 'eap o' sand at the end? 
Ain't I got as good a right to talk as you ? 

Jake 
No, you ain't. {Laying his cards down, face up.) 
What 'ave you got? 

Crawls 
Four Aces. {He starts to draw the coins toward 
him.) 

Jake 
{Rising suddenly and falling on Crawls) 
And I saw you sit on two and take another out 'o 
your coat. You pock-marked octopus. {He twists 
himself over the prostrate and ahnost obliterated 
Crawls and throws out some cards.) There they 
fly. Now we'll see about you. I'm fair sick 'o you. 



FOUR OF A KIND 99 

Crawls 
{In a faint screarn) 
Jake — Jake — Don't! Don't 1 

Jake 
I'll learn you not to be a snickering sniveling smirkin' 
hypocrite ! 

Crawls 
It was only a friendly joke. I only meant it sporty! 
Ooh! — {He struggles.) 

Jake 
{Dragging the writhing Crawls towards the rail) 
You know what I said last time you sneaked. You 

can be as sporty as you like — over the side. {He 

hauls Crawls up on the rail.) 

Crawls 
{Agonized and kicking) 
No! No! I can't swim! I can't swim! 

Jake 

{Lifting him a little) 

Let the sharks get indigestion of you then. I've 
had it long enough. 

Crawls 
Wait! Wait! Don't! I'll tell you — I'll tell — 

Jake 

{Pinning him on the rail) 

What'll you tell before you tell it to the sharks? 



lOO FOUR OF A KIND 

Crawls 
{Desperately) ♦ 

There was pearls! 

Jake 
What! 

Crawls 
There was pearls. Father Jerolomen was right. 
There was pearls in that old 'eap o' stones. And I 
know where they are — now. 

Jake 
{Hauling Crawls, with a great heave, back to the 
shadow of the cabin.) You do! Well, where are 
they? 

Crawls 
I can't get 'em. I can't get 'em. 

Jake 
I'll see you do. You'd thieve 'em from us. Would 
you? 

Crawls 
I didn't thieve 'em. I didn't thieve 'em. Smike 
took 'em. 

Jake 
Smike ! 

Crawls 
Yes. He got 'em. He got 'em out o' those stones. 
Gawd knows how he did it. But he kept 'em. You 
know Smike. 

Jake 
He's got 'em now? 



FOUR OF A KIND loi 

Crawls 
{Gulping) 
Yes. I come on 'im one night. 'E thought we was 
all on shore gettin' provisions. 'E was in the cabin, 
and I crept up in behind from the other way — 
through the galley and saw 'im. He had 'em out — 
twistin' 'em In 'is 'ands. They was long — and 
glistenin' — in a rope, big and white as agates, and 
some of 'em shin'n' pink in the light — and some 
greenish — 

Father Jer. 
{Coming around the corner of the cabin) 
There is an odd sort of craft coming up to us on 
this side, apparently from the town. There are 
heathen marks on its sides. A big man with a yellow 
umbrella directs it, and it seems to be rowed by yellow 
men. 

Jake 
{Releasing Crawls with a shove) 
A Chinese trader. 

Father Jer. 
They appear determined to board us. What shall 
I say to them? 

Jake 
Tell them to go to the devil. 

Father Jer. 
What would they want with us? 



I02 FOUR OF A KIND 

Jake 
They'd cheat the fillin's out o' your teeth. 
(Father Jerolomen hurries back.) 

Jake 
{Seizing Crawls) 
Where are they now? 

Crawls 
{Pf^hininff) 

Why should I have to tell you? IVe been 
a-watchin' and a-watchin' them pearls for two weeks 
now. Ever since we left the Island. 

Jake 
And 'opin' to sneak off with 'em as soon as you 
were clear of us. Eh? 

Crawls 
It ain't no more'n you'd do yourself. 

Jake 
Well, it's my turn now. 

Crawls 
You'll divvy? 

Jake 
{Shaking him) 
I'll do what I please. What about 'em now? 
Quick. And if I don't find 'em I'll settle with you. 

Crawls 
They're all there. Every one. Great, round, 



FOUR OF A KIND 103 

milky pearls. There must be five hundred of them. 
Jake — you'll let me 'ave some? You will? 

Jake 
Where are they? 

Crawls 
In the old lantern. 

Jake 

What! 

{There appears at the back, a yellow unbrella 
over the ship's rail. This is attached to a large 
Chinaman in gorgeous robes, and a scarlet silk 
cap with a purple button and tassel. He ad- 
vances majestically but softly along the little 
deck space. When he comes just behind the 
cabin corner he stops.) 

Crawls 
He took and stuffed 'em in the bottom. He knew 
we'd never look there, and there it's hung — that old 
lantern — right in the cabin — with forty thousand 
pounds worth 'o white pearls in it. 

Jake 
The sneakin' scorpion. And us with our bunks 
forward. 

Crawls 
'E was goin* to wait, I know, until we was all off the 
boat, and separated, and then 'e was goin' to be rich 
— rich — and we'd never see 'im again. That's why 



I04 FOUR OF A KIND 

'e was takin' the priest back. He don't want no 
scandal. And I was waitin'. I was just waitin' till 
we touched the mainland to get ahead 'o 'im. The 
big bully. I was goin' to slip it over on 'im. 

Jake 
We'll do that all right. We'll get 'em now. 'E's 
asleep, and we'll do what we likes with 'im. 

Crawls 
No— No— 'E'll hurt us! 

Jake 
Come on — you sniveler — 

{He starts towards the cabin door, pulling 
Crawls by the arm. They run right into The 
Chinaman. He has been standing with a 
rapt, patient expression. His face is smooth 
and round and placid, with a little fixed smile. 
Over one arm is slung an assortment of silks, 
beads, little bags and small boxes on strings. 
Father Jerolomen now appears, hovering 
behind him.) 

The Chinaman 
Pretty day. Me Wang-Sing. 

Jake 
Get out of here — you. 

Wang-Sing 
Wang-Sing come out to ships in harbor. Me see 
ship just outside harbor, waiting for wind. Me come 



FOUR OF A KIND 105 

out here in boat. Say " how-do." Me show many 
pretty things. {He untwists some of the silks on his 
arm.) Silks, fans, beads, bracelets, incense — 

Jake 
Do we look as if we wanted that stuff? 

Wang 

{Placidlyj arranging his wares, hanging the silks over 
the top of the deck-house, and the beads on them.) 
Me think you like look see. No b'long good joss 

wait for wind outside harbor when no go to town. 

Very fine bazaars in town. Wang-Sing have best of 

all. 

Crawls 
{Disgustedly to Father Jer.) 
What did you let 'im on for? 

Wang 

Me come. 

Father Jer. 
He seemed determined. {He inspects Wang- 
Sing.) A strange creature of great insistence. Not 
without intelligence — and perhaps open to conversion. 

Wang 

Very open. Mind very open. {He sits down 
regally on the overturned keg. He holds his um- 
brella up with one hand, and gesticulates with the 
other.) What say for fine striped silks, red, green, 
purple painted with dragons for the coat? {He takes 



io6 FOUR OF A KIND 

some vials out of his sash.) This small jar — per- 
fume. This one opium. 

Jake 
(Sullenly) 
Go choke yourself on it. 

Father Jer. 
Opium ! 

Wang 

(Smiling) 

Very fine. Very good. Opium. Bring forget. 

Father Jer. 
Wickedness ! Wickedness ! 

Wang 

{Rising politely) 
You b'long priest? You no like opium? Very 
good for priests m their cells. Give dreams. Some- 
times the priests from the white house behind the town 
send for things in the bazaar. Buy opium from Wang- 
Sing. Very like you those priests. Same straight 
black. 

Father Jer. 
No! {He seizes the opium from Wang's hand.) 

Wang 

Very wise men. Very tiresome always in cell. 
Wang-Sing sell forget. 

Father Jer. 
Horrible! {He throws the vial on the deck. It 
breaks. ) 



FOUR OF A KIND 107 

Jake 
That's the way. Smash his goods for breakin' in on 
our deck. Get out now. Don't you see the gent 
don't like your ways? 

Wang 

{Mildly) 
No offend. Only much waste. Too bad. Sorry. 
{He fixes Father Jerolomen with his eye.) Opium 
worth much gold. Very rare kind. Wang-Sing lose 
money. Priest not do right by him. 

Father Jer. 
{Unsteadily) 
I — I am sorry. I — hardly know my own actions. 
I have had a great sorrow, a terrific disappointment — 
a loss of all I hoped for. {He passes his hand over 
his forehead.) You must excuse me. It — is so hot 
— and strange here. 

Wang 
Sun go to your head maybe. Priest b'long in cell. 
All cool there. 

Father Jer. 
You say there is a Christian monastery — here? 

Wang 

Oh yees. Clistian. Very big. White house in 
desert. Priests like you come. Go in. Never come 
out. Just behind town. On hill. You see maybe 
from end of boat. Out in desert. 



io8 FOUR OF A KIND 

Father Jer. 
Quiet. Out in the desert. A heavenly quiet. 

Crawls 
Why don't you skip there then? We .won't cry 
over your goin'. 

Jake 
Straight. We wouldn't. 

Wang 

More better than too much noise for priests. Not 
get excited. No break good merchants bottles. Lose 
much money. Very much cheat. 

Father Jer. 
Don't speak that word to me. {He feels in his 
sash and takes out a gold piece.) These seas and is- 
lands are a corruption and a sore on the world. I 
sicken of them. Blistering, sweltering, thieving, 
heathenish! The sand burns my eyes and the pitiless 
sky scorches my soul. It would be the penance of 
Hell to stay here. {He gives Wang the gold. 
Wang takes it with a deep bow-, and bites it as he 
bends.) 

Wang 
{Quickly, as Father Jer. turns from him) 
You take another? Just a little one for present? 
Cumsha? Good-feeling from Wang-Sing — to for- 
get? {He holds out a little vial.) 

Father Jer. 
You fill me with horror. {He goes quickly behind 
the cabin.) 



FOUR OF A KIND 109 

Wang 

{Looking after him) 
Him very upset. Master of ship muc'h disturb. 
Why he come if find it like he say ? Queer. Explain. 

Jake 
{Nervously, fingering the silk) 
Oh — He's soft in the head. 

Crawls 
It's only his loony way. {He quickly picks up a 
string of beads.) How much you sell? 

Wang 

All good jade. Me sell twelve pieces. Very fine 
bargain. 

Crawls 
You fat old pirate! {He flings down the beads.) 

Wang 

{Fingering his stock) 
Or you like fans? Very fine. Six pieces. All 
painted ivory. Very cheap. Nice carved moonstones 
— rings — jade frogs — Anything but pearls. Very 
sorry. No pearls. 

Crawls 
{Throwing himself on the silks and gathering them 
all up in a heap) 
You take your rubbish. We don't want any of 
it. 

Jake 
Yes. Skip. Quick, 



no FOUR OF A KIND 

Wang 

Me no go. 

Jake 
We'll see to that. 

Wang 

{Gently) 
Me no want fuss. Call police. Very tiresome. 
Me only say no go until something sell. Bad joss. 

Jake 
{Plunging his hand into his pocket) 
You clear out if we buy something? 

Wang 

{Bowing) 
Sure. No fuss. No row. Just buy some little 
thing. 

Jake 
Give me that wooden box. Here's three coppers. 
{He throws them down on the deck-house.) 

Wang 

{Quickly taking up the box) 
Me have different price. 

Jake 
Not another grain. 

Wang 

No, different. Little box very small. Just give as 
present — for something else. Exchange. Remem- 
ber ship by, no go unless exchange. 



FOUR OF A KIND iii 

Crawls 
Give *im the yard arm. 

Jake 
{Gathering up the pennies) 
What d'ye want? 

Wang 
Old lantern. Hang in cabin. 

Jake 
What! 

Crawls 
{In a thin scream) 
Aah! 

Wang 
Me like that. You have box. Me lantern. {He 
pushes the box, smiling, across the cabin top,) 

Jake 
{Making a dive for the door) 
I'll get it for you. 

Wang 

{Blocking him) 
No. Me get lantern. Wang-Sing take lantern 
only as is. No take anything out. No change. 

Crawls 
You sneakin', spyin' thief! 

Jake 
You'd listen. Would you? I'll crop your ears for 



112 FOUR OF A KIND 

ye. {He lunges toward Wang who steps back and 
claps his hands sharply,) 

Wang 
Observe — behind you. ( The heads of three grin- 
ning Chinamen appear over the rail. They have bare 
muscular armSj and knives in their hands.) My boat- 
men wait for me. Very active men. No good 
argue with Wang-Sing. Not healthy. 

Jake 
{Dropping his hold of Wang) 
You yellow buzzard! 

Wang 
{He claps his hands and nods at the men. They 

disappear) 
Very good. Now we talk. 

Jake 
What do you want? 

Wang 
The lantern. 

Jake 
I'll see you throttled with your own fan cord first. 

Crawls 
And ril help. 

Wang 
{Imperturbably, fanning himself) 
No good. Bad to have fuss. Noise. Quarrel. 



FOUR OF A KIND 113 

Murder maybe. No. No. Bring police. They no 
care for men who steal pearls. 

Crawls 
{In a wail) 
But they're ours — ours. 

Wang 

Wang-Sing no fool. 

Jake 
What do you know about 'em ? 

Wang 

{Still fanning) 
Wang-Sing know pearls belong priest. He look 
for pearls some weeks ago in stones of old church. 
No find. Ver' too bad. Wang-Sing hear many ways 
in bazaar. Alia same pearls b'long priest. Police 
come. He get them back. No one else get them. 
Maybe you go jail. 

Jake 
I'll give you a third of 'em. 

Crawls 
That's shares and everybody even. 

Wang 

{Advancing slowly towards the cabin door) 
I give you each one — two maybe. Keep quiet. 
Otherwise call police. 



114 FOUR OF A KIND 

Jake 
(Affonized) 
Oh — you made me tell you, Jake. You made me 
tell — and look wot it's come to now! 

(As Wang sets foot on the threshold a loud 
whistling is heard from the darkness of the 
cabin within, Wang recoils.) 

Crawls 
It's Smike. 'E's awake. Now we're done, for 
fair. 

Jake 
I 'ope 'e breaks 'is neck. 

Crawls 
{Cringing) 
Who's neck? 

(Smike appears slouching in the doorway. He 
is a tall, sallow man, in torn and dirty white 
trousers and shirt, A wide shade hat is pulled 
down over his forehead, shading restless black 
eyes, and a long thin nose. He carries himself 
with a swagger, and rests one hand on a pistol 
in his dirty red sash.) 

Smike 
{With a shove of his hand that sends Wang back 

a pace) 
What were you doing coming into my cabin? 
{From his voice he is just a little intoxicated, and 
still sleepy.) Come on — what were you doing? 



FOUR OF A KIND 115 

Wang 

Many apologies. Much sorry intrude. Just make 
friendly call. Me Wang-Sing. Good merchant. Me 
just step inside cabin. See if need new silk for cush- 
ions maybe. Have got fine cheap silk. 

Smike 
I guess I can worry along a while longer without 
any of your silk in my cabin. And I'd just as soon 
shoot any yellow head on sight that comes in without 
an invitation. Or any one else, either. Just hold on 
to that. Keep out of my cabin. {He swings up onto 
the deck-house top, and sits, dangling his legs over the 
open cabin door,) 

Wang 

(Bowing) 
Wang-Sing hear much of Mr. Captain Smike. 
Him very good shot. Him much respect. His 
boat, too. 

Jake 
Us three's solid. You can drink that straight. 



Smike 



What's up? 



Crawls 

(Cringing and fingering the silks) 

'E w'as cheatin' us, 'e was. The old yellow bull 

frog 'ead. 'E was bullyin' us with 'is pirates in 'is 

boat alongside there. We as 'as lost so much and 

ain't got nothin'. We 'as 'ad a 'ard disappointment. 



ii6 FOUR OF A KIND 

Wang 
Me poor man, too. Very poor. 

Jake 
Yes. We've enough to swallow without 'im addin' 
to it. 

Crawls 
We as is so 'ard up. 

Smike 
You don't seem able to talk of much else. 

Crawls 
It's an absorbin' subject. 

Smike 
{To Wang) 
What did you come here for? 

Wang 

{Sitting himself on an overturned bucket) 
Me come on business. 

Smike 
Just what business? 

Jake 
'Old 'ard there now. 

Crawls 
{Shaking) 
Yes. You be careful how you talk; we don't know 
nothin' about it, remember. 



FOUR OF A KIND 117 

Jake 
And it's rotten business whatever it is. 

Wang 

{Gently) 
Me come on good business. Very good. About 
pearls. 

Smike 
(Softly J fondling his revolver) 
Pearls? What pearls? 

Crawls 
Don't you listen to 'im. 

Wang 

{Calmly) 
Me not know yet. Wang-Sing come 'board. Hear 
much about pearls. Long string. Very fine. These 
gentlemen want to get rid. Wang-Sing buy may-be. 

Smike 
{Shifting his gaze and his revolver to Jake and 

Crawls) 
Very interesting story. Very. Which one of you 
thought of this first? 

Crawls 
Oh, 'e come on us. I swear 'e did. The old fox 
foot crep' up on us from behind while we was talkin'. 
We never meant to slip nothin' over on you. Like 
I you was doin' on us. We just happened to find 'em 
natural — and w^e was talkin' — 



ii8 FOUR OF A KIND 

Smike 
{Slipping down from the deck house and advancing 

on him) 
Well, you sneak, Crawls. You won't talk much 
longer. 

Jake 

{Vindictively) 

Yes. 'E was the one as found out where you 'Id 

'em. And 'e was goin' to sneak 'em out on you, 'e 

was. Ask 'im what 'e's been plannin' to do these 

weeks. I was the one as just found it out. 

Crawls 
Ask 'im what 'e was goin' to do when 'e made me 
tell 'im. Take every one of 'em 'imself, 'e was. 

Smike 
{Still advancing) 
I'll settle with him later. {His voice is very 
smooth.) You was the first to find 'em. Was you ? 

Crawls 
{Screaming) 
Don't you do nothin' to me. Don't! don't! If 
you do 'e'll 'ave the 'Arbor Police on you. And you'll 
jail for it! Don't you see 'e will? Don't you see? 

Wang 

Police come. Very tiresome. No can do good 
business. No can do anything. Better fix up pearls. 
Us four. All quiet. 



FOUR OF A KIND 119 

Smike 
{Leaning against the deck house) 
That's the trick. Is it? You three lyin', thievin', 
pickin' carrion! 

Jake 
And what was you plannin' to do to us two? 
Sneak off with 'em all to yourself. Keep 'em. Them 
was your plans. 

Smike 
And there's nothin' between me and them — but 
you three. {He fingers his revolver.) 

Crawls 
( Terrified) 
You can't! You can't! 'E's got a boat full o' 
Chinamen over the side, and it'll 'ave all of us. 

Jake 
Them pearls is ours, too — or I split about them 
wherever I am. 

Wang 

Pearls no b'long any one here. Pearls b'long 
priest. Alia same very good pearls. Priest no know 
how use them. Better not waste pearls. 

Smike 
I'm sick. 

Crawls 
You would hide 'em from us. You would keep 'em. 
And now it's four instead of three. You can't say as 
how you didn't start it. 



I20 FOUR OF A KIND 

Wang 

All fine. Divide pearls in four equals. One share 
each of us four. Very good business. All square. 

Jake 
And no slippery footin' it by any of us this time. 

Crawls 
Us four — equals. 

Smike 
I'll see it's equals. Crawls, step in there and bring 
out the lantern. I'll watch these two. No more 
talkin' goes on here without my hearin' it — and no 
one gets in the close cabin. And if you're more than 
four seconds haulin' that lantern out, Crawls, you're 
dead. And there'll be no tellin' the police. Eh? 

Jake 
That's straight. 

(Crawls dives into the cabin, and instantly 
there is a shriek of horror from him. Jake and 
Smike spritig to the door. Wang starts up.) 

Smike 
{Leaning over the threshold) 
What's that? What's that? Crawls! 

Crawls 
{Within, in sobbing gasps) 
It ain't! It ain't! No! No! I never did 
nothin' to it! 



FOUR OF A KIND 121 

Smike 
{Reaching in and catching hold of Crawls, who is 
writhing on the floor) 
What are you slobbering about? 

Crawls 
The lantern! The lantern! It ain't there! 

Smike 
What! {He brings out Crawls with a jerk, and 
throws him on the deck.) 

Jake 
What! {He dashes into the cabin. He reappears 
in the door.) It's gone. Clean gone. 

Smike 
Gone I It was there all right. Crawls — 

Crawls 

{Struggling up from the deck) 

Look-a-here. Look-a-here. This paper. It was 

'anging on the '00k of the lamp and I took it. {He 

brings up a piece of paper.) It says the priest's took 

it. 'E's took it and gone! 

Smike 
What's that? 

Wang 

Tell quick. Or I call men. Big fight. 



122 FOUR OF A KIND 

Crawls 

{Reading) 

'E's took 'em. Your men and the boat, too. 'E's 

paid 'em to take 'im ashore. 'E's sneaked off with 

the boat. {Sobbing.) 'E says 'e'll send it back when 

'e's safe in the monastery. 'Im and the pearls. 

Wang 

What's that? Pearls gone? 

Crawls 
( R eading agon iz edly ) 
'E says 'e 'card us. {In a rising mail.) And 'e 
was 'orrified and upset. 

Jake 
The black 'opping 'ypocritical crow! 

Crawls 
'E says the boat was sent from 'eaven to 'elp 'im 
escape. And 'e 'opes we'll reform! 

Jake 
'E done us. I knew 'e would. 'E and 'is sneakin', 
listenin' ways. 'E was always creeping up on us. 
Listenin'. We might 'a known. There's no privacy 
on this boat. 

Crawls 
They're gone! They're gone! {Sobbing.) 'E 
sneaked in from the back, the galley way, while we was 
talkin' — 



FOUR OF A KIND 123 

Jake 
{Wrenching his arm) 
Yes, the same as you sneaked in and saw 'em. 

Crawls 

{Giving way hopelessly) 
The same! The same! Only 'e's got 'em! For 
good ! 

Wang 
{Striding about frenziedly) 
No boat. No boat. No catch him. What can 
do? Nothing. 

Crawls 
Not even our pay left! 'E says we're thieves! 

Smike 
{Falling on Crawls) 
You'll pay for this. You sneak. 
(See Note, page 124.) * 

Crawls 
{Struggling violently) 
Who was it started it all ? Who stole 'em to begin 
with? You! You thievin' vulture! 

Jake 

{Falling on Wang) 

It's you kept us from gettin' at 'em. You pirate! 

Wang 

{Falling on Smike) 
Wang-Sing mad. Wang-Sing furious. Cheated! 
Cheated ! Cheated ! 



124 FOUR OF A KIND 

[They all struggle, shouting on the deck and 
disappear into the cabin , still struggling. 

* Note. 
(If the struggle ending is found difficult and cumber- 
some on a small indoor stage this is an alternative.) 

Smike 
You'll pay for this. You sneak. 
{He seizes Crawls and drags him, screaming and 
struggling towards the boat's side.) 

Crawls 
{Resisting violently) 
Who was it started it all? Who stole 'em to begin 
with? You! You thievin' vulture! 

{They disappear, fighting, behind the sail.) 

Jake 

{Making for Wang) 

It's you kept us from gettin' at 'em. You pirate! 

Wang 

Wang Sing mad. Wang Sing furious. 

{As Jake approaches, he gathers up his skirts, and 

swiftly ducks behind the cabin.) 
Get police. Remember. Get police. Cheated. 
Cheated. Cheated. 

(Smike suddenly appears from behind the sail, 
without Crawls. Jake draws a pistol and 
covers him. Smike pulls his pistol at the same 
time. They stand there measuring each other. 



FOUR OF A KIND 125 

the round, yellow face of Wang watching from 
around the cabin corner. The curtain falls — 
slowly. After it has completely dropped, there 
is one pistol shot.) 



FOR OUTDOOR PRODUCTION OF FOUR 
OF A KIND 

The deck of a houseboat can be easily used for this 
play if there is room for an audience. The action 
of the play takes place in a very small space. A por- 
tion of the deck ten feet by six should be sufficient. 
Father Jerolomen in his promenade, could even walk 
back through the audience, and come back again for 
his cue. A small rowboat with the Chinaman and 
his crew can be moored close to the side of the boat, 
in such a way that the audience does not see it. The 
Chinaman simply appears over the side of the boat 
at his cue. 



126 i^OUR OF A KIND 

If the boat used is a sailboat, the action can take 
place on the deck, the audience being seated in the 
cockpit and in small rowboats about. Or the audi- 
ence may be on a wharf, and the play take place on 
a small sized sailboat moored close to the wharf. 
In this case, the sail should be up, hiding the small 
boat with the Chinamen. 

FOR INDOOR PRODUCTION 

This play could be very simply given on any im- 
provised stage. Almost no scenery is necessary. A 
bright blue backdrop for the sky — a corner of sail 
drawn across it, below it the deck rail rising about three 
feet above the deck, a few coiled ropes, and an over- 
turned bucket. At one side, the suggestion of a low 
roofed cabin, with a door. The curtain rises on Jake 
and Crawls playing cards on the deck, and falls on 
the confusion of the general fight. The lighting 
should be very bright, making sharp black shadows, 
and vivid yellow spaces of sunlight. 



THE PRINCESS IN 
THE FAIRY TALE 



THE PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE ^ 

A Garden FaiAy Story for Children 

Scene. A garden in a fairy tale. 
Time. A summer afternoon. 



CHARACTERS 

The Princess in the Fairy Tale. 
The Old Nurse. 
The Dragon. 
• — The Prince in the Fairy Tale. 
Billy Travers. 

The King in the Fairy Tale. 
The Queen in the Fairy Tale. 
The Six Little Princesses. 
- The Two Heralds. 

1 Copyright, 191 9, by Constance Wilcox. 



THE PRINCESS IN THE 
FAIRY TALE 

(Note) 

^ M yHIS setting is purely fantastic, and meant to 
m be achieved by an indoor production. The 

"^ suggestions for outdoor production are at the 
end of the play. 

The scene is a garden. Four tall dark cedan 
guard it at the back, and behind their high silhouettes 
is a vague woodland, with slim tree trunks gray against 
a twilight mist, filled with an eerie, dim, mauve light. 
In the foreground, a round fountain, with one bright 
jet of water springing up from its clear pool. The 
Dragon lies by the fountain, his silver scales gleaming 
softly. As he lies, his horned head, with its scales and 
alligator jaw, rests peacefully on his outstretched front 
claws. His eyes are closed, and he is breathing gently, 
a little blue smoke coming from his wide nostrils. 
The little Princess is seated on a low stool by the 
fou?itain, sezUfing. She is dressed in a very short white 
ruffled pinafore, with a crown embroidered in one 
corner, and her plump little legs in their white socks 
and black strap slippers are crossed primly before her. 
She has a quantity of beautiful fair hair hanging like 
spun silk, loose over her shoulders, and she wears a 

129 



I30 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 

very small high pointed gold crown. Her round pink 
and white face is all screwed up in her attempts at 
sewing as she jabs in and out of her embroidery. 

The Old Nurse sits on a stool a little behind, at 
the right of the Princess. She is very fat, and dressed 
in voluminous leaf brown, with a wide frilly cap fram- 
ing her wrinkled face, topped by a pointed black witch 
hat. 

The light in the garden is clear, and yet very soft, 
with an odd bluish tinge, like the edge of twilight. 
The sky above the dark cedars is a deep twilight blue. 

The Nurse 

{In a droning voice, as her head nods back and forth 

on her ample chest) 

" A moonbeam floateth from the skies — 

Whispering — ' Heighho, my dearie; {She sighs sleep* 

ily) 

I would spin a web before your eyes — 
A beautiful web of silver light, 
Wherein is many a wondrous sight 
Of a radiant garden leagues away — 
Where the softly tinkling lilies sway — 
. . . Heighho, my dearie! ' " 

Eugene Field. 

{With a deep sigh, her voice trails away and she sleeps. 
The Dragon joins her with a gentle snore.) 

Princess 
{With a sudden vicious jab of the needle) 
Ouch! {She puts her finger in her mouth,) 



PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 131 

Nurse 
{JVaking with a start, and rushing to the Princess 
shaking her by the shoulder) 
Drat the child ! Take your thumb out of your 
mouth! {She fishes a handkerchief out of the Prin- 
cess' pinafore pocket.) And let three drops fall on 
your handkerchief at once! What sort of a Fairy 
Tale Princess are you — to let an opportunity like 
that go to waste. Oh, dear, Oh, dear! {She tries to 
squeeze the Princess' finger over the handkerchief.) 

Princess 
{Jerking her hand away, and sticking her thumb in 
her mouth agai?i) 
I will put my thumb in my mouth. I will. I will. 
{She beats a tattoo on the stool with her heels.) I 
won't put three drops on my handkerchief to make 
another old fairy tale — so it can be lost, and the 
Dragon eat it, or the pixies steal it, or the Prince find 
it. Of course he would find it and come flourishing 
back with the silly thing to me. They always end the 
same way. I'm tired of 'em. I am. I am! I'm 
sick of being the Princess in the Fairy Tale! Yah! 

Nurse 
You can't help that, my dearie, because that's what 
you are, and that's what you must be until the Fairy 
Lands fall into dust. 

Princess 
They're all asleep now. I'm going to run away. 
{She jumps up, and puts her embroidery on the stool.) 



132 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 

Nurse 
You can't do that, my dearie, because it's all a 
dream, and you are part of it. 

Princess 
{Stamping her foot) 
Then I will wake it up ! 

Nurse 
{With a little chuckle) 
You are part of the Fairy Tale even when you 
lose your temper. The Princess in the Fairy Tale 
can frequently do that. ( The Princess swiftly runs 
out her tongue.) But they never stick out their 
tongue. No. No. Naughty. 

Princess 
{Jumping up and down) 
I will be naughty! My foot's asleep. And I'm 
tired of being the sweet little Princess with golden 
hair, who waits around and waits around, and never 
does anything interesting, but sits in a tower window 
or under a tree with a dragon, and is rescued each 
evening by the same little sissy Prince I 

Nurse 
That's what makes the Fairy Tales. We each have 
our part to play. {She tries to straighten ihe Prin- 
cess' pinafore.) Now you mustn't get your clean 
pinafore all mussed, and your hair tumbled. It's al- 
most time for the afternoon Story of the Dragon. I 
heard the owl hoot the first three times in the wood. 



PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 133 

That means the Prince has started on hfs journey. 
He'll be here soon. 

Princess 
{Jerking away as the Nurse tries to arrange her hair) 
I don't want him to come. I don't want my hair 
smoothed. It's always being brushed, and fussed with, 
and last time the little silly tried to climb to the tower 
window on it he pulled dreadfully! 

Nurse 
{Soothingly) 
But think how nice to be rescued from the dragon, 
and have all the trumpets blow, and the King and 
Queen come into the garden and order the cannon 
shot off, and the banquet — and the march of triumph 
around the dreadful dragon. 

Princess 
He isn't a bit dreadful. He just sleeps and never 
even looks at me. He isn't half the nuisance the 
Prince is. I wish he would beat the Prince up for 
once. 

Nurse 
Oh, no, no. That wouldn't be according to law. 
And then think of all the festivity when he is van- 
quished ! 

Princess 
I don't think it's fun. And they never let me sit 
up for the banquet — and I hate walking in a silly 
procession and trying to keep off the long trains. And 
I want my tea! 



134 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 

Nurse 
There. There. Sit down and finish the nice cob- 
web embroidery you are working for the Queen's birth- 
day. It will never be done. You can leave a space 
for the evil Fairy to finish one corner. 

Princess 
{Sitting sulkily) 
Can't I ever have any fun? I want my tea. 

Nurse 
Just you be good, my dearie, and I will get you the 
tea. You shall have it right after the story with the 
Dragon. 

Princess 
With strawberries? 

Nurse 
With strawberries — and sugar comfits. I'll go see 
to them now. Be good. {She puts the Princess' 
crown into place.) Just think of the dragon. He 
never gets any tea. 

{She goes out, briskly at the left, vanishing 
behind the trees. The Princess sews for a 
moment, then stops, looks over her shoulder to 
make sure the Nurse has gone, slips from her 
seat, and tiptoes to The Dragon, who is still 
snoring very softly.) 

Princess 
{In a whisper) 
Dragon! {A little louder j and moving nearer.) 
Dragon ! 



PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 135 

(The Dragon stirs uneasily, and breathes an 
especially deep snore. The Princess gets 
down softly on her knees, picks a long blade 
of grass, and tickles The Dragon's nose 
with it.) 

Princess 
Dragon! {She tickles his nose.) 

Dragon 
(Moving a little) 
Ur-umph! {He puffs out a lot of blue smoke.) 

Princess 
There's a dear! {She tickles one ear.) 

Dragon 
{In a very deep grumbly, sleepy voice) 
Ur-umph. What d'y want ? 

Princess 
{Sitting back on her heels) 
Wake up, Dragon. 

Dragon 
{Turning a little and opening one eye) 
What for? 'Tisn't time yet. You can't fool me. 
I know it like a book. What y' disturbing me for? 
{He closes his eye again.) 

Princess 
I want to talk to you! {She leans forward and 
tickles his ear.) 



136 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 

Dragon 
Talk then. But don't whisk that thing about me! 
{He shakes his head peevishly j and opens his eyes.) 

Princess 
{Getting down close to him — in a whisper) 
Dragon. Eat him! 

Dragon 
{With a prodigious yawn, showing his huge Crocodile 
mouth and teeth) 
Eat who? 

Princess 
{Clapping her hands) 
That's it! You have such a beautiful, big, red 
mouth and such long teeth. Eat him for me. Dragon. 
Eat him! 

Dragon 
{Rolling his eyes at her reproachfuUy) 
I'm not a cannibal. I eat grasshoppers only, and 
precious few and stringy they are since the fairies 
have such a fad for riding them. 

Princess 
Then scare him, Dragon. Open your mouth and 
bellow, and frighten him, so he'll run and never come 
back. 

Dragon 

Who? 

Princess 
The Prince. 



- PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 137 

Dragon 
I couldn't do it. 

Princess 
Oh, yes, you could. You have no idea how soft he 
is, and little and fat. And easily scared! 

Dragon 
But that sharp bright sword of his! He flicks it in 
front of me. And my eyes are weak. 

Princess 
That's all he does. He doesn't know how to use it. 
And he's so used to your just lying down and letting 
him walk on you, that he'd never stop running if you 
just once turned on him and snapped. Oh, do, there's 
a darling, Dragon. Then he wouldn't bother me any 
more. And he is such a tiresome little boy. 

Dragon 
{Reflectively, blinking his eyes) 
I don't see why I should. I don't see what I get 
out of this. {He grumbles deeply.) For that mat- 
ter what do I ever get out of anything, but a few 
hours' sleep and that disturbed — 

Princess 
I am so sorry. But it is so important. As a fa- 
vor — 

Dragon 
I don't see that it is important. Here I am very 
comfortable. What's the use of stirring everything 



138 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 

up, and goodness knows what might happen? How 
do I know but he might accidentally jab that sword 
in my eye? And I'm not as spry as I used to be. He 
might beat me anyway. And think of the humiliation 
of that! 

Princess 

He wouldn't. He's the scaredest little thing, 
really ! 

Dragon 

Even at that, where do I come in? Nobody ever 
pays any attention to me anyway, and if the Prince 
went away I would lose my job. I can hardly feed 
myself as it is. And no one ever invites me to tea. 
{Ruminatively.) And I have always loved candies. 

Princess 
I will. I will give you half my tea. It's to be a 
lovely one. With strawberries — and sugar — and — 

Dragon 
Candies? 

Princess 
Comfits. Pink ones. Just chase the Prince a little 
way. Dragon, dear, and you can have all the comfits ! — 
except one. 

Dragon 
How could I get at the Prince? They'd never let 
me do it here. 

Princess 
{Eagerly clasping her hands) 
You could go to meet him. In the wood. And 



PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 139 

then he would be surprised. He wouldn't have a 
chance. And run! {She laughs.) Just one beauti- 
ful blue snort from you — and my — he would run ! 
I should love to see it. Come. Quick. (She tugs 
at The Dragon's claw, and he slowly lifts himself.) 

Dragon 
I am to have all the comfits. 

Princess 
How greedy. But never mind. Just one switch of 
your tail and a good roar as if you meant it, and 
don't forget to open your beautiful red mouth. {She 
drags him towards the wood.) 

Dragon 
You say he is very gentle? He always looked quite 
vicious to me — with that long sword. 

Princess 
He's really very little — and fat. 

Dragon 

{Doubtfully) 

Well, I hope so. As a matter of fact I never have 
got a good look at him for all we meet every day. 
You see there is so much blue smoke to breathe out, that 
it fogs up the atmosphere, and then he flashes his 
sword, and, as I said, my eyes are a little weak. I 
always close them just as soon as I'm conqu^ered so I can 
sleep as much as possible. 



I40 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 

Princess 
(Impatiently) 
Yes. Yes. But hurry. You will meet him at the 
edge of the wood. He must be almost there now. 

Dragon 

{Rolling his eyes) 

But how do I know after all I won't mistake him? 

He's always wearing some new costume, and I'd hate 

to stir up any of those spiteful tempered little pixies. 

They'd prick me all over with thistles. 

Princess 
The pixies never come out till the moon is up. 
And the Prince is the only one who ever comes through 
the fairyland wood. He'll be a little boy without any 
horns on his head like the pixies, and he'll come along 
the highroad between Fairyland and the Outside, and 
turn into the wood. And then, one big snap and a 
growl and blue fire, and you can come down for tea 
with me. And nobody will disturb us. 

Dragon 
Little and fat. You're quite sure he'll run? 



Princess 



Oh, quite. 



Dragon 
Gr-umph. {He puffs out blue smoke.) This is 
quite an adventure. I feel almost young again. 
Gr-umph! {He turns into the wood.) 



PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 141 

Princess 
{Dancing up and down) 
Isn't it fun! Good-by, Dragon, dear. 



Dragon 
{Turning to look back) 
All the comfits, mind. Don't you eat any before 

rnmp 



Princess 
Good-by. Good-by. {She waves j as The Dragon 
slowly crawls through the wood. His silver scales 
gleam for a moment among the trees and then vanish 
in the mists.) 

{There sound three hoots of an owl. The 
Princess turns with a jump, and looks about 
anxiously.) 

Princess 
It isn't time yet, I'm sure. Oh, I hope he isn't too 

late. He's such a ponderous old thing! {She looks 

into the wood after The Dragon.) 

{The Prince in the Fairy Tale enters sud- 
denly from the right, emerging from the bushes. 
He is a plump little boy in a purple Fauntleroy 
suit with a deep lace collar, and a golden sash. 
He wears a little soft velvet cap with a long 
white feather, and his hair falls to his shoulders 
in neat yellow curls. He is very pretty, with 
a dimpled chin, and carries himself with a 
little swagger, pointing out his buckled slippers 
as he walks. A jaunty short velvet cap swings 






142 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 

from his shoulders, and in one hand he carries 
a very long unsheathed ?-apier.) 

Princess 
{Seeing him, with a little cry) 
Oh — now you've spoiled everything! {She ad- 
vances on him.) How did you get here — and it's 
long before the time! 

Prince 
{With a low bow and a sweep of his cap) 
Charming Princess. Behold, the Prince is here. 
{He has some difficulty managing both the very long 
sword and the cap.) 

Princess 

{Plumping down on her little stool) 

I could just cry with vexation! {The Prince puts 

on his cap and takes an airy step, flourishing the 

sword.) Well — how did you do it? Sneak up on 

me like that. You're always doing something silly. 

Prince 

{Loftily) 
My Fairy Godmother met me, if you must know, 
and brought me here in her private chariot. It was 
very nice of her to save me all that walk through the 
wood — and the briars. I would have been a little 
late otherwise. 

Princess 
{Flouncing off the stool) 
Yes. Prinker. You like to have your hair 



PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 143 

curled. I bet you were trying on lace collars — to 
see which was the most becoming! 

Prince 
{Touching his collar) 
This Is a new one. For my birthday. {He flicks 
his sword.) And this, too. {He tries a fencing at- 
titude. ) 

Princess 
Oh — do stop that. I know you can't use it. It's 
ridiculous and as long as you are. 

Prince 
I certainly can. {He looks around.) Why, 
where's the Dragon? 

Princess 
{Clasping her hands and taken aback) 
Oh, dear. You have upset things! 

Prince 
But where is he? 

Princess 
{Recovering herself) 
Why should I know? {She retires and stands 
aloofly looking into the wood.) Your business is to 
rescue me from him. 

Prince 
But what will I do if he isn't here? 



144 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 

Princess 

{Scornfully) 
You never have any ideas. 

{There comes a sudden bellowing from the 
wood.) 

Prince 
{Jumping back a foot) 
What's that! 

Princess 
Oh, what can have happened to the Dragon! 

{The bellowing becomes louder, and is min- 
gled with a crashing of a heavy body approach- 
ing rapidly through the wood,) 

Prince 
The Dragon ! 

Princess 
Yes. It's all your fault. Now he may be be- 
witched or eaten some catnip or something, and eat 
us both! {She runs terrified, back to the fountain. 
The Prince leaps away still further.) 

Prince 
But he can't do that! Why, I always must van- 
quish him! 

Princess 
But I've upset everything! Goodness knows what 
will happen. Oh, dear! 

Prince 
This is awful! {He runs to the furthest corner of 
the garden, followed by the Princess. 



PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 145 

(The Dragon appears, rushing through the 
wood, bellowing and blowing blue smoke. He 
tears down into the garden, howling. A small 
boy leaps after him shouting and throwing 
stones. 

Dragon 
Oh! Oh! Stop him! He's killing me! {He 
races around the fountain in long snaky twistSj fol- 
lowed by the joyously shrieking small boy.) 

Boy 

(Throwing stones) 
Ki-yi! There's one on your nose! 

Princess 
{Rushing out and stopping the boy by force) 
Here, you. Don't you treat my Dragon like that! 

Boy 
(Stopping) 
Oh — was it a pet of yours? (He is a sturdy little 
boy with short touseled brown hair, a round freckled 
face, heavy boots and stockings, corduroy knicker- 
bockers, and a rumpled brown shirt.) 

Princess 
It is. You shouldn't throw stones in Fairy Land. 

Prince 
(Stepping out from behind the Princes's) 
It's our Dragon. 



146 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 

Princess 
And you've been treating it abominably! 

Dragon 

{In a wail) /^^^'f 

You said he was soft — and little — and fat ! I 
knew he was vicious! Why, he's made of India rub- 
ber and has the disposition of a wildcat ! I only spoke 
to him, and he was after me like a thousand hawks, 
throwing stones! Soft! Little! Ooh! I'll never 
believe you again! 

Princess .. r-.i > '^ 0^'^y^-^~ 
You got the wrong one, silly. 

Dragon 
I told you m»y eyes were weak — and I puffed out 
so much smoke nobody could tell. You said the 
Prince was the only boy would come into the wood. 
I'm all over cracks and bruises! Ooh! 

Prince 
(To Dragon) 
What did you let a common trespasser in for? 

Dragon 
I don't want him. {He crawls off, breathing 
heavily, and lies dowm at the far right.) 

Boy 

Well, he said he wanted to eat me. I met him up 
on the edge of the wood there. And he made faces 
at me, and stuck out his tongue. Of course. {He 



PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 147 

plunges his hands into his pockets.) No one can 
do that — not even your pet animal. You see that. 
I had to show him. 

Prince 

(Advancing) 
I vanquish him every day. 

Boy 

(Fanning himself with his cap) 
Hot v\^ork. 

Prince 
It doesn't disturb me at all. I just come. And he 
lets me walk on him. 

Boy 

You're pretty fond of yourself. Aren't you? 

Princess 

( To the Boy) 

What's your name? 

* 

Boy 

Billy. What's yours? 

Prince 
I am the Prince in the Fairy Tale. 

Billy 
I didn't ask you, curly-locks. (He turns to the 
Princess.) You seem to have a lot of spunk for a 
girl. And any one with a pet like that would have, 
of course. What iis- your name? 



148 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 

Princess 
(Uncertainly) 
I — I'm — not quite sure. 

Billy 
That's funny. (Decidedly.) Well, it ought to be 
Margery. I know a girl at home called Margery 
who has hair like yours. She's a very nice girl. 

Princess 
I think you are a very nice boy. Will you stay 
here with me? 

Prince 
(Pushing in) 
She's the Princess in the Fairy Tale of course, just 
as I'm the Prince. And this is our private Fairy 
Garden. How did you get in, and who are you, and 
don't you know you're trespassing? You must go 
right away. 

Dragon 
Yes. For heaven's sake, don't keep that wild-cat 
in our garden. 

Princess 
I will keep him. I will. (She drags Billy by the 
hand.) He will stay and teach me to throw stones 
nicely as he does. What kingdom did you come from 
Billy? 

Billy 
(His hands in his pockets) 
Why, I live in the little white house by the Gro- 
cery store on Main street. 



PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 149 

Prince 
Well, you don't belong here. How did you get 
here? 

Billy 
I was just walking along, and I chased a squirrel up 
to the edge of the wood — and then I met this — this 
creature here. And there didn't seem anything for 
me to do but chase him when he stuck out his tongue 
I guess I came pretty far. 

Prince 
You can go back now. 

Princess 
No. You're going to stay here. I like you. You 
can be the Prince. 

Prince 
I am the Prince. I am. I am. 

Princess 

{Taking Billy's arm) 

Prove it then. {She drags Billy away a little.) 

Teach me how to throw stones. I have a golden ball 

to play with. {She takes a golden ball out of her 

pinafore pocket.) 

Prince 
Wait till my Fairy Godmother hears of this! 

Billy 

{Taking the ball) 
You are a sissy. This Is a pretty jolly ball. {He 
throws it to the Princess.) 



I50 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 

Prince 

{Almost weeping with rage) 
I'll call the King and Queen — and Nurse. 

Princess 
{Running joyfully back and forth as she and Billy 
throw the ball) 
Don't cry — and muss your curls ! 

Prince 
{Furious) 
Curls yourself! {He throws himself on the Prin- 
cess and pulls her hair violently.) 

Billy 
{Pulling him away) 
Drop that! 

Prince 

{Still clutching the Princess' hair and kicking) 

I won't! I won't! I will pull her hair. She's 

my Princess — and a mean thing to treat me so — 

and you're a big bully and a donkey. {He kicks out 

?nadly at Billy.) 

Princess 
Beat him up, Billy! {She jumps up and down,) 

Prince 
{Falling on Billy) 
Donkey! Great ugly donkey! 

Billy 
I can't stand that! Donkey yourself. {He tussles 



PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 151 

with the Prince and throws him,) You would call 
me names! 

{The Prince lies sobbing on the grass, Billy 

on top of him.) 

Prince 

You'll be sorry for this ! 

Billy 
{Rising and dusting himself) 
You're not hurt really. I only gave you a little 
punch. 

{The Prince raises himself just enough to pull 
a little tin horn out of his sash, and bloiv a 
shrill penetrating blast — then throws himself 
dow?t again.) 

Princess 
Oh! Now he has done it! 

Billy 

What's up! 

Princess 
You'll see. Look! {She points to the left.) It's 
the King and Queen In the Fairy Tale. Of course 
he had to go and call them! 

( Through trees at the left come slowly the 
King and Queen, very gorgeous in trailing 
gold and ermine robes. They both wear high 
spiked gold crowns and the King carries a 
massive gold scepter. They are followed by 
two heralds in gold and scarlet, with long 



152 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 

trumpets, and then six little Princesses in a 
row. The Princesses are all of a height, with 
tiny gold crowns on their long light hair, and 
white gowns reaching to their feet. They wear 
wide blue sashes, and appear very, very young 
indeed. Last, comes The Old Nurse, bear- 
ing a tray with tea and cakes.) 

The Queen 
{Rather peevishly, as the procession approaches) 
It does seem to me that the Dragon was killed very 

early to-day. And I had reached such an interesting 

chapter in my novel. 

The King 
Never mind, my dear. It hardly ever takes more 
than ten minutes to read the aw^ard. 

The Queen 

The trumpets always make my head ache — and the 
cannon — 

The King 
Maybe we can omit the cannon to-day. 

Queen 
Oh, do. 

Princess 
{Watching the procession as it circles toward her in 
a stately way) , 

They will be vexed, when they find out. 

Billy 
What's up, especially? 



PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 153 

Princess 
Everything. It's all twisted and wrong. You're 
here, and the Prince is there, and the Dragon over 
there. They will be annoyed. 

Billy 
Who are they anyhow? ^ 

Princess 
The King anfd Queen in the Fairy Tale, of course. 
And they have the extra princesses with them, and 
the heralds to trumpet for the defeat of the Dragon 
and the triumph of the Prince — and look at him. 
And they do so hate to have anything go wrong I 

Billy 
But what is it all about? 

Princess 
This is the end of a Fairy Tale day, of course. And 
everything should come out all nice and smooth, and 
the sunset gun go off to announce at the same time 
the death for the day of the Dragon, the freeing of 
the Princess, and the triumph of the Prince — saving 
gunpowder. 

Billy 
So it's a Fairy Tale? 

Princess 
Of course. I'm in it — and you — and everybody. 
We're all a Fairy Tale. 



154 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 

Billy 
Not much I'm not. I never did care for Fairy 
Tales. 

Princess 
You're in it now. 

Billy 
I guess I'll be going. I never had much to do with 
kings and queens. 

(Billy starts to go, but the King, QueSn 
and the little princesses have made a cornplete 
semi-circle around the garden, and he brings 
up short.) 

King 
{Putting on spectacles, as he unrolls a scroll in his 

hand) 
What's this? 

Princess 
{Springing after Billy, and seizing his hand) 
It's the new Prince! 

Old Nurse 
( Waddling forward with the tray, and putting it down 
on the stool at the right) 
Oh — la — la. Something new. 

Prince 
{Rising with a wail) 
He is not. I am the Prince. 



PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 155 

Queen 

(Distastefully) 
What a mess he's in. 

Prince 

(Pointing at Billy) 

It's all because of him. He knocked me down. 

He insulted me. He came into the garden uninvited 

and threw stones. He's nothing but a common boy 

from outside. 

King 
Dear. Dear. This is veiy tiresome. Where's the 
Dragon ? 

Dragon 
(Rolling himself up painfully) 
Here. 

King 
You seem very decently beaten up. 

Dragon 
I am. 

Princess 
And Billy did it. He should be the Prince. 

Prince 
Yes. He came into our garden and threw stones 
at our Dragon. Throw him out! 

Queen 
(Taking out a book from a pocket in her dress) 
Why have so much argument? 



156 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 

Princess 
I will keep Billy. 

Prince 
But he insulted me, and he is only a common boy, 
and lives next to a grocer! 

Princess 
And he beat you up, too. That shows he's a better 
Prince than you. 

Prince 
But I am the Prince! 

King 
Dear. Dear. This is very unusual. 

Queen 

{Looking up from her book) 

I don't see why it's unusual. It's only in another 

form. Somebody vanquished the Dragon — and at the 

same time, the competing Prince. Therefore — that 

somebody is the real Prince. In disguise, no doubt. 

{She returns to her book) 

King 
{Doubtfully) 
Do you think so, my love? 

Queen 
Certainly. 

Princess 
{Jumping up and down with joy) 
Of course! Of course! 



PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 157 

King 
Very well then. Sound the trumpets. {The her- 
alds lift their horns.) 

Prince 

But what about me? I am left! Wait till my 
fairy Godmother hears! 

King 
Dear. Dear. This is very upsetting. No one 
should be left. 

Queen 
{Dropping her book to look at the Prince) 
He can have one of the other Princesses. They 
look about his height. 

King 
{Doubtfully) 
But I don't like spoiling the set — 

Queen 

One is sure to be snatched by an Ogre or fall into 
the river sooner or later. She might just as well go 
with this Prince. The Fairy Tale must be completed. 
My dear — {She turns to one of the little Princesses.) 
Here is a Prince for you. Curtsey when you're 
spoken to — and mind you are good to him and keep 
him dusted. He seems to be bent on making a mess 
of himself. {She returns to her book.) 

{ The little Princess steps out, looking shyly at 
the Prince.) 



158 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 

Prince 
I don't want her. She's a baby. 

King 
( Testily ) 
Well — you'll have to take her. You couldn't keep 
the other. Sound the trumpets. 

Queen 
She's very nice tempered — and had all the proper 
gifts at christening. A little attention and society 
will do wonders for her. 

King 
Let the cannon boom as the sun sets. {The her- 
alds sound a blast, and it is followed by a distant 
boom of cannon.) 

Queen 
That's enough. {The heralds put down their 
horns.) 

King 

{Adjusting his spectacles, and reading very rapidly 

from the roll in his hand) 

The Dragon is vanquished. The King and Queen 

rejoice. The trumpets sound. {The heralds sound 

their horns.) And the cannon — 

Queen 

Not again. 

King 
Have boomed. And the Prince — What is your 
name, young man? 



PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 159 

Billy 
Billy Travers. 

King 
And the Prince Billy Travers — and the Fairy 
Princess — 

Princess 
Margery. I want to be called Margery. 

King 
And the Princess Margery lived happily ever after 
— to the tune of dancing and feasting. {He rolls up 
the paper. The heralds sound a blast.) Let there be 
dancing and feasting. {The heralds produce lutes 
that were slung over their shoulders and play a gay 
tinkling tune.) 

Dragon 
{Rolling up to The Old Nurse, who is standing by 
the tea tray) 
Did you bring out plenty of comfits? 

Nurse 
{Slapping him on the snout) 
Not for you, I didn't. 

King 
{Bowing to Queen) 
May I have the honor, my love? 

Queen 
{Taking his hand) 
Mind you don't step on my train. {She picks this 
up over her arm and she and the KiNG dance,) 



i6o PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 

Princess 
{Seizin ff Billy's hands) 
You dance with me. {They whirl around.) 

Dragon 
{Bowing to the Nurse) 
Allow me, Madam. 

Nurse 
{Taking his claw and dancing sedately) 
Remember my age. 

Dragon 
And my joints. (Billy and the Princess join 
them, making a square.) 

Prince 
{To the Little Princess) 
Do you dance? 

Little Princess 
Yeth, pleath. ( They dance with the King and 
Queen, making another four.) 

{The heralds stand at the back, and the other 
little Princesses dance around the fountain.) 

Prince 
You're not a hoyden. Are you? I think I like 
you best anyway. 

Little Princess 
Yeth, pleath. 



PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE i6i 

Queen 

{Stoppi7ig) 
There. That's enough. My crown Is almost 
awry, and we must get to supper before the peacock 
pies are burnt. I faint with hunger. 

King 

Sound the trumpets. ( The heralds sound the 
horns, and turn to go out, followed by the Little 
Princesses.) 

Prince 

{Taking the hand of his Princess) 
We'll sit together at supper; you can save me your 
owls' tongues if you don't happen to care for them. 

Princess 
Yeth. Pleath. {They turn and go out.) 

Billy 
But — 

Dragon 
I don't half like this — 

Queen 
No one ever has anything to say after the end. 

King 

Good-night, my love. Nurse, see that she goes to 
bed particularly early after all this unusual excite- 
ment. The new Prince may stay to tea with her 
as a special treat. {The procession moves slowly 
off.) 



i62 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 

Princess 
{Jumping up and down) 
Oh, goody! And It does serve that little sissy right 
to get one of my sisters. They are such babies — and 
have never said anything but yes — or no — yet ! 

( The procession winds out of sight. The twi- 
light deepens in the garden.) 

Dragon 

{Curling himself up painfully) 

This Is beastly rough on me — This is. I don't 

like my new boxing partner one bit. {He rolls his 

eyes at Billy.) We'll have to get In a little practice 

on the side, and I'll show you the right spots. 

Billy 
Oh — I won't bother you any more. If — you're 
polite. 

Princess 
You'll have to. Every afternoon — and some- 
times in the morning. But then we can play with the 
Golden Ball between times. It will be fun. 

Billy 



iJlLLY 

But I can't stay here, you know. 



Princess 

{Running to the tea tray, and dragging it stool 

and all into the foreground) 

Oh, yes — you must. You will stay here forever 

and ever — and we will play with the golden ball — 



PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 163 

and maybe we'll be allowed to see the fairies dance — 
if they ever do it before sunset. 

Billy 
Excuse me, but I'd rather not. 

Princess 
Why, what do you mean? 

Billy - , 

I'm — I'm not particularly used to fairies and such. 

Princess 
Oh, I'll tell you all about it — while we have tea. 

Billy 
I don*t think I can stay for that. 

Princess 
You can't stay! 

Billy 

Well — it must be about supper time home — and 
mother'll be expecting me. We're to have hot cakes. 
Not but what you've been a very jolly little pal — 
and I thank you and all that. 

Princess 
But he can't go — Can he, Nurse? 

Nurse 
{Who stands, solemnly against the dark cedar) 
The way out of Fairy Land is always open. 



1 64 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 

Billy 
Yes — that's it. I couldn't live in a Fairy Tale, you 
know. Now could I ? {He approaches the Princess, 
who looks about to cry.) I don't look as if I would 
go into a Fairy Tale — now do I ? 

Princess 
{Gulping) 
I think you are per-perfectly lovely. And I would 
love to have you for a Prince. But you don't like 
me! 

Billy 
I do. I think you are a very jolly — really corking 
Princess — and just as spunky as if you weren't in a 
silly Fairy Tale at all — 

Princess 
{Brightening) 
Oh — do you ? 

Billy 
Of course I do. 

Princess 
Perhaps — we'll see each other again someday. 
Outside, maybe. I don't intend to always live in a 
Fairy Tale when I grow up. 

Billy 
Perhaps we will. Fairy Tales aren't much. 
Good-by, Princess. {He holds out his hand.) 



PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 165 

Princess 
Margery — 

Billy 
Good-by, Margery. {They shake hands.) 

Princess 
Good-by. 

(Billy turris towards the wood. The Prin- 
cess follows him to the edge.) 

Billy 
{Turning at the edge of the wood) 
Good-by. 

Princess 
Walt for me — when you get outside! 

Billy 
You bet I will. Good-by. {He disappears among 
the trees.) 

Princess 
Good-by! {She waves — until he is out of sight. 
Then, with a little sob, she breaks down.) And I 
haven't any Prince or anything! 

Dragon 

( Uncoiling himself) 

There are always plenty of Fairy Tale Princes. 

But I dare say you'll run away to this one just the 

same — Violent tempered creature. You never can 

tell what will please a woman. 



i66 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 

Princess 
{Cheering up, and coming towards him) 
I will. I will. 

Nurse 
Eat your tea now. There's a good girl. Or the 
owls and the pixies will get it — it's that late. 

{She moves off, and disappears in the gather- 
ing darkness, right. A big yellow moon rises 
slowly behind the wood. The weird mists and 
interlacing tree branches and trunks are pricked 
out with light. The fountain glitters very 
bright in a shaft of moonlight, that falls on 
The Dragon, and glea?ns on the hair of the 
Princess.) 

Dragon 
And what about me ? Where's my tea? 

Princess 
You didn't do the right thing at all. 

Dragon 
But I did the best I could. Don't I get any com- 
fits? You promised them all to me. 

Princess 
We will divide them. {She and The Dragon sit 
down to tea.) 

{F^rom the left. The Old Nurse is heard 
singing softly.) 

" A brownie stealeth from the vine, 



PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 167 

Singing, * Heigho, my dearie, 
And will you hear this song of mine — 
A song of the land of murk and mist 
Where bideth the bud the dew hath kissed? 
Then let the moonbeams' web of light 
Be spun before thee silvery white, 
And I shall sing the livelong night — 
Heigho — my dearie ! ' " 

[Curtain] 



\ 



i68 PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 

FOR OUTDOOR PRODUCTION OF THE 
PRINCESS IN THE FAIRY TALE 

Any garden, or any woodland, can of course be used 
for this play. The setting given is only a suggestion, 
and naturally could not be achieved in anything but 
an indoor production. 

For an outdoor garden production, the initial en- 
trance of the Princess, the Nurse and the Dragon, 
could be made in a sort of little procession through 
the garden. The Princess first, sewing as she walks, 
the Nurse following, singing softly, and the Dragon 
trailing grumpily some distance behind. They could 
take their places, the Nurse and the Princess on their 
little stools, and the Dragon sleeping by the fountain 
and the play start just as it is given. 

For a final exit, the Princess and the Dragon could 
walk off hand in hand, the Princess holding the tea 
tray, and the Dragon eating a cake as he walks. 



MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 



MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 

Scene, A garden. 

Time. A summer afternoon. 



CHARACTERS 

People of Mother Goose Inn 
Mother Goose. 
Mother Hubbard. 
Simple Simon. 

Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary. 
Little Tommy Tucker. 

Wayfarers 
The Troubadour. 
The Troubadour's Lady. 
Captain Adventure. 
Hero. 
Victoria. 
H. James. 
Ainslee McClure. 



MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 

rHE scene is a garden with a fountain in the 
center. The grass is very green, and the ring 
of flowers around the fountain pool bright 
with color. Behind the garden is a woodland, and a 
little white gate leads into it from the garden. A 
wooden sign painted in gay colors, swings on a post 
by the gate. The sign depicts a white goose, with a 
high peaked black hat, against a scarlet background. 
Beneath it is printed in clear white letters. 
MOTHER GOOSE INN. WELCOME. A bell 
and a rope hang under this. There is a little painted 
table in the garden, some painted chairs, and a prim 
little bench under a cedar tree. 

Mary comes through the little green arbor at the 
left into the garden, bearing a watering pot, and be- 
gins to sprinkle the flower beds, humming. She is a 
trim little person in a flowered dress, and frilly white 
mop cap. The head of an old lady in a white cap 
tied with long strings appears around the corner of the 
arbor, and Simon comes out of the arbor quickly. 
Simon is very tall and lanky, dressed in tight shabby 
brown, twirls his cap in his fingers, toes in, and wears 
his thin fair hair long. 



171 



172 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 

Old Lady 
{Calling after Simon) 
Now mind you bring plenty of Pies, Simple Simon. 
The larder is quite bare of them. 

Simon 
{With a flourish) 
" Pat-a-cake — Pat-a-cake Bakers' man, Bake me a 
cake as fast as you can. Pat it, and prick it, and 
mark it with T, And there will be enough — " 

Old Lady 
" Jack be nimble Jack be quick, Jack jump over the 
candlestick! " Go along with you — and don't stop to 
listen to Tom the Piper's son — on the way. 

Simon 
I'll fly — Mother Hubbard. "Handy spandy 
Jack a Dandy — Loves plum cake and sugar candy. 
He bought some at a baker's shop, And out he came — 
Hop-hop-hop! " {He emphasizes this with great hops 
of his long legs. The Old Lady draws in her head. 
Simon skips over the grass, singing.) " Mary, Mary, 
Quite Contrary, How does your garden grow? With 
silver bells and cockle shells. And Pretty Maids all in 
a row! " {He chucks Mary under the chin.) 

Mary 
{Giving him a push) 
You are a Simple Simon. How Mother Goose can 
ever run her Inn with you doing her errands — is a 
riddle to me! 



MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 173 

Simon 
" Riddle-me, riddle me, riddle me ree — " Mother 
Goose is a wise old lady. She knows the value of 
Simples, like Simple Simon, and keeps them busy. 
{He nods his head.) 

Mary 
Busy enough. (She waters the flowers diligently.) 
Those who work in Mother Goose Inn find plenty 
to do. What with Old King Cole calling for every- 
thing all at once, and Jack and Jill having to be 
patched up every minute — and all the children of the 
Old Woman who Lives in a Shoe to be fed hot broth 
— there never was such a busy Inn as Mother Goose 
Inn. 

{Two languishing Italian figures come slowly 
through the wood, and stop, looking up at the 
sign. The slim young man has his arm around 
the girl, and she is enveloped in a torn purple 
and scarlet cloak, which hides all but her bare 
feet in broken sandals, and a rough plait of 
reddish hair. The man has a gipsy face with 
long dark curls. His clothes are dirty and 
torn, but of lovely old reds and blues, and 
worn with grace. He carries a broken lute 
over one shoulder. They both limp a little, 
and are plainly exhausted.) 

Youth 
{Leaning over the gate, and speaking in a sonorous 

voice) 
Hall — happy folk within a garden, 



174 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 

Simon 
Customers, Mary. 

Mary 

{Turning quickly) 
Good-day, pretty Sir, Good-day, pretty Lady. {She 
drops a curtsy.) 

Youth 
Hast thou seen, maiden, a fountain in this green 
wood — a fountain springing all purpled from the 
earth, purpled and filled with crimson lights of love, 
and gushing up till it licks the stars — like a great 
flame? 

Simon 
{Who has listened, enthralled) 
Indeed sir, and how can a fountain which is water, 
be a flame, which is fire? 

Youth 

{Turning melancholy eyes on Simon) 

I see that you have not drunk of it, for you do not 

understand poetry. He who drinks that fountain 

shall live forever bathed in the golden light of poetry 

which is the quicksilver of the fountain. 

Simon 
Did you say gold, Sir, or silver? 

Youth 
{Rapturously) 
Gold and silver — and thousands of great purple 



MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 175 

stars! Have you seen such a fountain, or know of 
any one to direct us? 

Simon 
There is the Pieman. He goes to every house — 
for every man must eat. 

The Lady 
{From the shoulder of the Youth) 
Alas, Alas. They know not of the fountain. 

Youth 
The world is full of commonplace and gluttony 
while we fast by the wayside. 

Mary 

I don't know of any fountain — such as y(5u de- 
scribe — but I can give you a drink of water. And 
something to eat. Mother Goose Inn always satisfies 
its customers. 

Youth 
{Leading the Lady in through the gate) 

Not water. Wine. Scarlet wine. Hot with 
spices. {He and his Lady sit limply on the bench 
under the cedar tree.) Spices to revive the soul of 
the Troubadour — and his Lady. 

Mary 

{Uncertainly) 

We have ale — for Old King Cole — 



176 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 

Youth 
{Waving a long hand) 
Anything — Anything — that sparkles and has 
color. (Mary hurries off through the arbor.) The 
world is very evil and dark and the thorns are sharp. 
No one heeds us. We must drink from what cup we 
can, to wet our parched lips. 

Simon 
{Approaching with a wave of his cap at the fountain) 
That water there is very wet, Sir. Jack and Jill 
once spilled a whole pail full, and Polly Flinders built 
a fire to dry them — 

Youth 
Peace — gangling fool. {He slings his broken 
lute from his shoulders.) Hark, I will sing to my be- 
loved, of the Fountain we seek. 

(Simple Simon sits down cross legged, and 
watches them, open mouthed., . The Lady sighs, 
and throws back the hood of her cloak, reveal- 
ing a wan white face between the red braids. 
The Troubadour sings to the lute with great 
difficulty because half the strings are gone.) 
Fountain — Fountain — which springs from the earth 
to make all men young — fountain, silver fountain — 
which quenches all fires — as it lights them — 

Simon 
That is not possible. 

Youth 
Silver — silver fountain — Giver of Eternal Life 



MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 177 

— Let the Troubadour find in your silver — silver 
for his pocket — silver for his soul — silver for his 
crown — lest the world forget him and he dies — 

Lady 
Alas — Alas. 

Youth 
Lest the world forget him — {A string of the lute 
snaps. He stops and glares at Simon vjho has 
scrambled to his feet.) How dare you interrupt! 

Simon 
I thought you w^ere finished, Sir — when you said 
'' He dies." 

Troubadour 
{fVith a melodramatic spring to his feet) 
Yes. I die. I die. The Troubadour of all Ro- 
mances — the wanderer through Golden Italy — 
France of the Lilies, and England of Arthur's Knights 

— I perish. My lute is broken. No one will listen 
to my songs. {He sinks down and buries his face in 
his hands.) 

Lady 
No. No. Beloved. We will find the fountain 

— and drink of eternal life. Others have found it. 
Why not the Troubadour? 

Troubadour 
{His face still buried) 
What is wrong with my songs that they go un- 
heeded ? Why cannot I sing — and the water spring 



178 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 

from the earth like a living flame in answer to my 
voice ? 

Simon 
(^Standing before them — troubled — twisting his 

cap) 

It seems to me, Sir — that your song has too much 
of refrain in it — and too little matter. Perhaps peo- 
ple would like it more if it had more matter — for 
instance — {He starts to sing.) — ''Mary Had a 
Little Lamb. Its fleece was white as snow. And 
everywhere that Mary went — " {The Troubadour 
springs wildly to his feet. SiMON retreats a step, but 
still regards him with a deprecatory smile.) Now 
there's a neat little song. 

Troubadour 
(In a husky voice, feeling for the dagger at his belt) 
I will not stay to be insulted. You shall not live 
to do it. My ancestors were of Boccaccio — Villon 
— Angelotti — {He raises his dagger — ) 

{During this last speech, a burly figure has 
pushed its way through the gate into the gar- 
den. He is evidently a Sea Captain from his 
great boots, and weather beaten face framed 
with brass earrings.. .He wears, however, a 
huge shabby velvet hat, with many draggled 
plumes, awry over the red kerchief binding 
his head. His suit is of dark, stained and dirty 
velvet, with a great red sash full of pistols and 
cutlasses. He advances with a swaggering 



MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 179 

stride, and seizes the uplifted hand of the 
Troubadour.) 

Adventure 

Odd's blood — What's this? No murder here — 
and Captain Adventure on the deck! {He wrenches 
the dagger away. The Troubadour shrinks back. 
The Captain wipes the dagger with a bright red and 
yellow handkerchief and sticks it in his belt.) A 
pretty toy. (Mary has come out zvilh a tray con- 
taining a pitcher, and two goblets. The Captain 
seizes the pitcher as she comes up to him.) Yo — 
ho. Rum! {He drains the pitcher. The Trou- 
badour and his Lady shrink together.) 

Troubadour 
Ruffian! 

Lady 
{Clinging) 
Beloved. Touch him not. We would live to 
drink of the fountain. 

Adventure 

{Setting the pitcher back on the tray with a bang, and 

wiping his long mustache) 

A mild drink. But bring more. I'll pay in doub- 
loons. Never say — Adventure is a thief! {He 
swings himself down into a wooden chair, his legs 
stretched straight out in front of him, Mary goes 
out again with the tray.) 



i8o MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 

Simon 
{Nervously) 
But the wine belonged to the other gentleman. The 
one with the dagger — you know. 

Adventure 
( Contemptuously ) 
Such sucklings should have neither weapons nor 
drink. 

Lady 

{Caressingly to the Troubadour. They have sunk 
down on the bench) 
Heed him not, beloved. One can see he is only a 
tramp — an outcast from the world whose words and 
deeds are not hearkened to. He will never reach the 
fountain. {She leans against the Troubadour's 
shoulder. He whispers in her ear, and picks on his 
lute.) 

Adventure 
{Fishing a couple of gold coins out of his pocket and 

carelessly tossing them up in the air) 
. Tell me — young cockerel — hast seen a fresh water 
spring hereabouts? In a cave it would like to be, 
or in the heart of a volcano. Very like it is guarded 
by a ruffianly band of smugglers — those whos' cap- 
tain has a black patch over one eye. But Adventure 
will throttle them. S 'Death I will throw them all 
single handed — and when securely bound, make them 
walk the plank into the cold sea — for the sharks. 
Ha— Ha! 



MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN i8i 

Simon 
{Who has been listening breathlessly) 
From the volcano — sir? 

Adventure 
What is a volcano more or less to Adventure? 
{He seizes the jug again from the tray of 
Mary who has just returned. She takes it 
from him, just as he is about to drink from it, 
pours out a glass for him, and turns towards 
The Troubadour.) 

Adventure 
A sly w^ench that — and neat. {He takes her wrist 
as she turns.) Wench — have those bright eyes — 
seen a little clear water freshet hereabouts — It 
vrould belike be on a sandy shore near a spot of buried 
treasure — where no foot of man had ever trod be- 
fore. 

Simon 
Who was it you say buried the treasure — Sir? 

Adventure 
Answer — or know the weight of Adventure's 
wrath. Hast thou a map with a cross at such a 
Spring? 

Mary 
No, Sir. There is only the well that Jack and 
Jill draw water from every morning — 

Adventure 
Foiled! Foiled again! That Adventure should 



i82 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 

come to such a pass, that he should look for a little 
Spring of fresh water — wandering on the highroads 
looking for fresh water — when the breath of his life 
is the salt wave — the salt spray — the salt wind — 
{There is a jangle of the bell under the sign, 
and Mary, who has been helping The Trou- 
badour to wine, hurries towards it.) 
But I tell you — varlet — 

{He glares at SiMON, who stands, fascinated, 
his toes turning in and his mouth open.) 
If I do not find that Spring I shall soon die — strang- 
ulate — perish — Captain Adventure will rot as the 
beasts that perish in the desert islands. I who have 
sailed the salt wave — 

(Mary coines forward, supporting an almost 
fainting lady, in full white skirts and a blue 
ribboned scoop bonnet that completely hides her 
face. A reticule dangles limply from her inert 
black-mitted hand. A dapper gentleman, his 
fawn color trousers, and tight lavender coat, 
much the worse for travel and frayed at the 
edges, follows anxiously. He carries a huge 
beaver hat of fuzzy fawn color in one hand, 
and a neat little carpet bag in the other. His 
light curls are very beautiful, and his frills 
once, no doubt, impressive.) 

The Lady 
{In a faint murmur) 
Salt — yes — salts — where are my salts — I must 
have them. 



MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 183 

(Mary sits her in a chair and produces a bot- 
tle of salts from The Lady's reticule. The 
Gentleman leans over the back of the chair 
and solicitously gives The Lady her salts.) 

Gentleman 
My dearest Victoria. I indeed grieve that the road 
has fatigued you. {He turns to Mary.) My good 
girl. Could you perhaps find in this excellent and 
worthy Inn some sustenance for this lady? She is 
faint. 

Simon 
We have good Jack Horner Pies for the hungry. 
And Queen of Heart's Tarts too — 

Victoria 
{Feebly, brushing away the suggestion) 
I am not hungry at all. I am never hungry. Some- 
times I take a little berry or a bit of lettuce leaf — ■ 
merely for appearances. 

Adventure 
{In a jovial roar — holding out a goblet of ale) 
Rum. That's what you need, m'am. Rum. 

Victoria 

{Collapsing) 
Oh — the great rough — man. My dearest Hero, 
is there not some way of avoiding all this dreadful 
publicity? Is there not some quiet modest little cor- 
ner where the roses grow, that we can retire to in 
peace? We, who have but so lately started on our 



i84 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 

life's journey — if indeed — (She produces a hand- 
kerchief and delicately touches her eyes) we finish it 
together ? 

Hero 
Can you not see, Sir, that there is a lady present, 
and she of delicate mold — and fainting? 

Mary 
Let me get her some curds and whey now. It's very 
nourishing, and delicate too. And some Curly-Locks 
strawberries with sugar and cream. {She turns to go 
off.) 

Hero 
Bring me some black-bird pie. And here's sixpence 
for yourself, my good girl. (Mary curtseys and goes 
out through the arbor.) 

Victoria 
{Faintly) 
I thirst. Let me lean against your arm, Hero. 

Troubadour's Lady 
{Leaning over gently offering her a cup) 
Will you have some of my wine — lady? It is 
sweet to the taste, and refreshing as warm new milk 
and Saints' tears. 

Victoria 

{Shrinking away) 

No, thank you. {She turns her bonnet up to Hero.) 

My dearest Hero, do you think this garden is quite 

proper? I don't think I quite approve of the way they 

speak. 



MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 185 

Hero 
My dearest Victoria, it is all very distressing. But 
we will soon find the fountain and our troubles in life 
will be past. 

Victoria 
{Resorting to her handkerchief) 
Oh, my dearest Hero — if we do not find the foun- 
tain we shall perish! V^e are already shabby with 
hardly enough money for our tombstones. It is hardly 
genteel! And we on our honeymoon! 

Troubadour 
{Embracing his Lady) 
We too are lovers. We live on the red fruits of 
love. 

Victoria 
{With a gasp) 
Hero — I am sure they are not proper ! Let us 
leave! {She arranges her bonnet and reticule.) 

Mary 
But madam, Polly has not even put the kettle on 
yet. There's nothing like a good hot dish to bring 
folks together — Why, Jack Sprat and his wife only 
got together over their dinners — 

Victoria 
So material. So middle class. Hero, dearest, ask 
her the way. I am so helpless in asking directions. 

Simon 
Like the three blind mice — 



i86 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 

Victoria 
{PFith a little shriek) 
Ooh! {She clings to Hero, nervously pulling him 
away. ) 

Hero 
My excellent maid, can you tell me if there is a 
palace in this wood? 

Mary 

{Arranging the table) 
There is the Sleeping Beauty Palace, Sir — but the 
way is thorny. 

Troubadour 
{Soulfully in an undertone to his lute) 
The thorns may circle our path but their points 
will but show us our way pricked in red drops of 
blood — 

Simon 
{Edging up) 
I know a song something like that — " There was 
a man in our town, and he was wondrous wise. He 
jumped into 'a bramble bush and scratched out both 
his eyes — But when he saw his eyes were out — 
With all his might and main — He jumped into 
another bush — And scratched them in again." 

Troubadour 
Peace, bleating fool. We speak of poetry — and 
song — 

Simon 
Like Tom — the piper's son — 



MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 187 

Victoria 
{To Hero) 
My love. That might be the palace. — Sleeping 
Beauty, a fashionable cure no doubt — and the place 
for fountains. Ah, and we would endure any thorns 
to reach this fountain. Did you say, my dear, that it 
was a beautiful Crystal Palace? I am sure it would 
be in a Crystal Palace that the fountain would be 
found. 

Simon 
(Helpfully) 
There is the glass house where we throw, stones. 

Victoria 
{Eagerly) 
Is it very beautifully furnsihed with lambrequins 
and antimacassars and red plush chairs, and tables with 
albums ? 

Hero 
{Clasping her) 
Just as we will furnish our own home, Victoria ! 

Victoria 
The fountain will be in the front hall, springing 
from a gilt statue with a lamp — surrounded by a fret 
work of iron and red glass — The fountain coming 
from Nature's heart — and going on forever like dear 
Lord Alfred's brook — 

Simon 
How does the brook go round the red chairs, ma*m? 



i88 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 

Victoria 
Will It not be perfect joy — my own? We will 
drink of it, and live forever in the Crystal Palace. I 
faint to think of it. {She applies her salts.) Such 
bliss ! 

Adventure 
{Pulling his chair up to the table, and plunging into 
the pie Mary has just put down) 
I lumdiddle ! Brick-a-brack ! S'blood ! 

(Troubadour and his Lady draw up timidly 
at the opposite side of the table.) 

Hero 
{Picking up his carpet bag) 
Have you seen such a fountain and such a palace, 
my good fellow? 

Simon 

{Rubbing one leg on the other) 

No, Sir. {He rushes awkwardly to the table and 

pours out some water from a flagon for Adventure.) 

Will you have some water, Sir — fresh drawn from 

Pussy's well ? 

Adventure 
{Knocking the flagon over with a sweep of his elbow) 
Rum! Rum! Enough for Fifteen Men — and 
one dead one! Do I harry the rolling sea in ships — 
to drink water! 

Simon 
{Picking up the flagon, in a gentle murmur) 
** Three wise men of Gotham — went to sea in a 
bowl-— 



MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 189 

If the bowl had been stronger — my tale had been 
longer — " 

{There has come in through the gate, during 
this conversation, a stoutish Gentleman, rather 
elderly, with thinning hair, and bone glasses. 
He is dressed in a greenish shabby suit of an- 
tique cut, and is so engrossed in his oivn medi- 
tations, with his head bent, and his hands be- 
hind him, that he runs right into Hero and 
Victoria^ who are standing uncertainly , whis- 
pering together.) 

Gentleman 
Oh — I solicit your pardon, I'm sure, in that I 
have intruded myself all inadvertently, not to say more 
particularly unwittingly, upon yourselves — that is to 
say your corporeal selves, for your spiritual selves have 
that thing which is known as rare collisions in man or 
woman — 

Adventure 
{In a roar) 
Meat — More Meat! S'Death! Is this an Inn 
or an empty hogshead — that I cannot find Meat ! 

Mary 

There was only one bone in the cupboard. Sir — 
when Mother Hubbard the housekeeper looked, and 
that the dog took. 

Adventure 
Then I will pick it with some orje. You, Sir! 



I90 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 

{He roars at the Gentleman just arrived.) What 
do you mean standing there in my light? Who are 
you? 

Gentleman 
{Deprecatingly, looking at Adventure over his glasses) 
My name is James, Sir. As a matter of fact — I 
was hardly aware of what light I stood in — I must 
crave your indulgence. I am prone to be absent- 
minded. That is — I am often searching for my verbs 
— and in the midst of these cogitations, or ramifica- 
tions, or I might state perambulations — 

Adventure 
Say what you mean! 

James 
{With a sigh) 
I wish I could, Sir. In these days when many are 
apt to even overlook the name of James, which is a 
lofty name. Sir, I frequently get lost even in my own 
sentences. But this I think {he looks around to 
collect an audience) , is a particularly good one. {He 
brings his hands out from behind his back and begins 
to expound.) I — ah — am in search of a fount. I 
believe it could be called a fount — or perhaps would 
be even better termed a Spring as the Pierean is, 
Spring then — 

{There is a jangle of the bell under the sign, 
and there enters through the gate a lurid young 
woman in an abbreviated scarlet dress, with a 
black picture hat, and very high heeled shoes. 



MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 191 

She carries a great white muff. Her dress is 
cut extremely low back and front, and she 
wears dangling earrings and much makeup,) 

Girl 
{In a drawly twang, as she saunters in) 
Say you — is this Road House a dead one? I've 
been tintillating that clapper till my fingers feel like 
^ Swedish massage. {She advances — swaying.) 

Victoria 
{Clinging to Hero) 
We really must go, my dearest Hero. 

Hero 
I always did fancy red. {He smiles politely at the 
girl and offers her a chair.) 

Victoria 
Hero! 

Girl 
(Sinking into the chair) 
Thanks, old dear. {She motions to Simon.) 
Here, boy — Smokes and a Bronx and rush. I'm 
beat up. This tramping the curb looking for a cold 
cream geyser has me bleating for refreshment. When 
I get to that fountain of eternal debutantness I'll keep 
it in a non-detachable cup. {She takes out a vanity 
case and powders her nose.) 

Simon 
{Intensely fascinated) 
In there? 



192 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 

Girl 
{Snapping the case to) 

No. Funny face. But can you give me the ad- 
dress of the beauty parlor here-a-bouts that puts on 
the permanent youth? It ought to be a swell joint 
by the line of exclusiveness it hands out. Not even a 
card to me, Ainslee McClure, and me with my profile 
on every magazine that has a circulation — and my 
story running in no less than five hundred movies at 
once. But it's wearing — and you never can tell where 
the public will jump. I may find myself next month 
in the eight by ten cell of a Second Class Vaudeville 
boarding house in Hoboken, so just tip me off with the 
number of this beauty bath. Will you? I want that 
bath. 

Victoria 

The immodest hussy ! {She hides her face in her 
handkerchief.) Hero, this is not respectable! 

Ainslee 
I'll have you know I'm a perfect lady. {She sur- 
veys Victoria up and down.) Even if I don't dress 
like a Newark sewing-by-the-day model. My virtue 
is absolutely O K. The final paragraph always tells 
you that. Hit 'em in the eye and then soften up 
afterwards is my motto. 

Simon 
Can they see just the same if you hit them in the 
eye? 

Ainslee 
They can't miss me. Any one got a light? {She 



MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 193 

takes out a cigarette from a gold case.) This hunting 
a fountain is the thirstiest work I've ever pulled. 
(She leans over and lights her cigarette at Adven- 
ture's pipe which he has just started.) Thanks, Pal. 
You look like an actor out of a job. — Copped your 
overcoat out of the wardrobe room, didn't you? 
{She leans back, and surveys the Troubadour and 
his Lady through a puff of smoke.) And you too. 
What's your particular line? 

Troubadour 
I am the Troubadour. Through the centuries I 
sing of Love and Poetry. Though the world is deaf, 
its ears stopped with sordid moneys — I sing — I 
sing — 

Simon 
Like Little Tommy Tucker — Singing for his sup- 
per — 

AiNSLEE 

Well, it doesn't look as if you'd got much off the 
lunch counter. If you've been on the road long, no 
wonder you're starved. 

Troubadour 
Starved for appreciation — starved for recognition. 
The world has forgotten us — and our songs. Soon 
we will perish and be but ghosts and mist wraiths if 
we cannot find the Great Fountain to drink of. 

Adventure 
(Gloomily) 
I must soon drink of something more potent than 



194 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 

rum and stiffer then a hurricane, or Adventure will 
founder with all hands and the seas close over him. 
I can find no one these days to man my ships or listen 
to my tales. 

James 
{Waking a little from his melancholy ruminations) 
It is indeed difficult to find a listener in the hustling 
world which goes by all unheeding — unheeding my 
voice which used to lead it through the labyrinth of 
culture — 

AiNSLEE 

{To Mary, who stands by sympathetically) 
Say — is this a home for Down and Outs? 

Mary 
{Smoothing her apron) 
This is Mother Goose Inn, ma'm. It's a home 
for Mother Goose, ma'm, and all her children, and all 
her willing servants, of which I am one. {She bobs a 
curtsey.) And we keep open house, ma'm, to serve 
any one as comes by and likes simple things like Pat- 
a-cakes, and hot Pease Porridge, and Daffy-Down- 
Dillies. There's many as might fare worse, ma'm, than 
on Mother Goose and her Goodies. She is a wise 
old lady. 

Simon 
" There was an old woman lived under a hill — 
And if she's not gone she lives there still — 
Baked apples she sold and cranberry pies — 
And she's the old woman that never told lies — " 



MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 195 

{He emphasizes this last line with very empha- 
tic nods of his head.) 

AiNSLEE 

Mother Goose, eh? I never heard of her, but I 
don't think much of her stage name. 

Adventure • 

(In a deep rumble) 
Nor the milk pap she serves. 

Troubadour's Lady 
{Leaning out) 
It Is a sweet garden — but no high stars in it. You 
should build towers to reach the stars — {She waves 
a thin white hand.) Should they not — my Trouba- 
dour? 

Troubadour 
Indeed. Towers to reach the stars — my blessed 
damozel. By towers and stars are Troubadours re- 
membered. 

Simon 
{Pensively) 
" Twinkle — twinkle, little star — 
How I wonder what you are — " 

James 
{Who has sunk down by the table, engrossed in a 
book. He looks up) 
Yes — a nice obvious little enclosure — but noth- 
ing of the higher intellectuality in its atmosphere — 



196 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 

Why not give lectures on the greater Mentality twice 
a week at four? It would improve the place. Im- 
prove it greatly — {He returns to his book.) 

AiNSLEE 

{Polishing her nails) 
A little jazz is all you need, and perhaps a bit of 
cabaret stuff — and let me tip you off to a decent 
press agent. There's nothing like it. But as it is — 
{She looks around and shrugs.) Dead. 

Victoria 

{Who has stood, clinging to Hero all this time) 

I should say a few gladiolas and perhaps a tame 

doe or two — like Lord Ronald brought his cousin, my 

Hero. {She sighs.) It is indeed hard to be so highly 

related, and yet have to enter a middle class little Inn. 

Mary 
There are those that like Mother Goose Inn. 

Simon 
And they Great People too sometimes. They say 
there is no fountain water as clear as ours, no milk as 
sweet, and no garden flowers as bright. 

AiNSLEE 

A week end back to Nature. I see. But I haven't 
the time to waste, Long-Legs. My schedule is full. 
Have you got a road map or a timetable to show the 
where-a-bouts of this Beauty Parlor I'm after? 



MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 197 

Mary 

There's the road to Bambury Cross, but you'd better 
go there horse-back, and it's three score ten miles to 
Babylon, though you can get there by candle-light. 
And there's Gloster, though it's apt to be rainy, where 
Dr. Foster always goes — but I never heard of the 
Beauty Parlor you speak of. 

Adventure 
Nor of the hidden Spring in the secret island that 
I must find — I'll be bound. A wretched, weak-kneed 
lot. 

Troubadour 
Nor of the purpled cataract that licks the moon. 
The moon does not shine on this garden. 

Simon 
One 'of our cows once jumped over the moon. Hey- 
diddle-Diddle's cow it was. 

Victoria 
Nor have they heard of our Crystal Palace. {She 
w^eps into her handkerchief .) And we will pass away 
if we do not find it! 

Hero 
{Petting her) 
My dearest Victoria, whatever happens, we will be 
genteel. 

James 
{Looking up) 
That word. That word. I must rouse myself. 



198 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 

It is the grave of all intellectuality, and I approach 
it if I do not find the remedy I seek. {He puts his 
book in his pocket.) Tell me, young woman. {He 
turns to Mary.) How can I find the way to the fount 
that I seek? I believe it is almost a metaphorical 
fount, being merely the flow of wisdom and words 
which emanates from some great soul, for the best 
things are always clothed in metaphors. Have you 
seen such a great soul as would give strength to a poor 
dealer in words — for alas, that is what I am. The 
world is passing me by, and as its strength ebbs away 
from me, I feel I have only dry words left. And I 
would live again. 

Simon 
{Edginff up sympathetically) 
If I were you. Sir, I would ask the others you meet 
on the road. They be simple folk, but might tell you 
something. Some are peddlers like yourself — like the 
Pieman, and there's even the Pussy Cat who's been to 
London and seen the Queen, and Wee Willie Winkie, 
who runs through the towns at night. He knows a 
great deal. 

James 
{With a weary sigh) 
But I am very weary and confused. My words 
seem to trip me — 

Simon 
It might depend on how you start. Sir — " There 
was a crooked man, and he went a crooked mile — and 
he found a crooked sixpence — " 



MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 199 

Adventure 
{Interrupting with a roar) 
And are any of these travelers seafaring men? Do 
they know of the Far Volcano with the inner hidden 
spring I seek? 

Simon 
There's Robinson Crusoe Island, Sir. But that's 
pretty well explored. And then there's Bobby Shaf- 
toe — He went to sea — Silver buckles on his knee. 
Pretty Bobby Shaftoe. 

Adventure 
'{Springing up) 
S'Blood! I'll not be choked with Nursery Tales. 
Where is that island of mine? 

Troubadour 
{Getting up, and approaching, with his Lady) 
No. First where is our fountain of scarlet and pur- 
ple? It grows late. The mists fill the woods, and 
the troubadour perishes of the cold and dark unless he 
warms his throat with the drink of the eternal purple 
fountain. 

Victoria 
And it's a fountain we seek too — in a Palace. 
Surely every one knows the way to the Crystal Palace 
— It must be there. 

Ainslee 
Speed it up — Kid. Give me the number and I'll 
whistle for a taxi. All I want is the address of the 
Permanent Beauty Parlor — 



200 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 

James 
{Pressing on Mary) 
Just one moment, my worthy girl, if you will be so 
kind as to direct me to the fount — 

Mary 
{Bewildered) 
Please — sirs — Please, ma'm — Please kindly. 
One at a time. 

Simon 
I never knew there were so many different foun- 
tains. Sir. I never knew any fountain but this, Sir. 

Adventure 
Brainless jelly-fish! 

Troubadour 
Poor innocent! 

James 
You are unenlightened, my simple child — 

Simon 
What is the name of your Fountain, Sir? You 
find so many names, I should think you would hardly 
know it yourself, Sir. 

James 
The name, my good boy, the simple name which in 
innocence, was given to the miraculous fountain which 
cures all ills, and is no doubt now clad in quite another 
and more subtle guise, is the Fountain of Youth. It 
is that, alas — which I seek. 



MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 201 

Victoria 
What! Hero! I faint! (She collapses into 
Hero's arms.) Our fountain! We will have to 
share the crystal Palace, and not live there in an 
eternal honeymoon. I cannot bear it! 

Hero 
(Clutching her) 
Brace yourself in this serious crisis, Victoria. 

Troubadour 
The Fountain of Youth! It is that Fountain we 
seek! The Purple Cataract which springs to the 
stars — No one but Poets dare find it — No one 
but Lovers can drink it — 

Adventure 

S'Blood! Will you discover my Island and my 
Spring before I do ? The Fountain of Youth. 'Twas 
the very Name. The very Fount I seek. Who has 
revealed the secret — Who — that I may slit his 
throat! (He glares about with his hand on his cut- 
lass. ) 

Ainslee 

Say — Bring the check — I'll be trotting. The 
Fountain of Youth! Why, that's the name of the 
Permanent Beauty Joint I'm looking for. Don't tell 
me you're all going there too. Not but what a little 
cold cream and curling irons wouldn't help you — but 
I don't want the hours all booked up, and the right 
syrup in the fountain run out, before I get there. So 
long — Old dears — {She starts to go.) 



202 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 

Victoria 
Hero! Don't let her go! That kind always super- 
sedes us! {She weeps, and pulls Hero towards the 
gate.) 

AiNSLEE 

{Pushing past her) 
That kind indeed 1 1 guess the Fountain of Youth 
is free to whoever finds it — and me a perfect lady ! 

Adventure 
{Elbowing past them both) 
Adventure is ever first on the field! 

James 
If you will allow me. I think I must be departing. 
That fountain is really a necessity to me — 

Troubadour 
{Leading his Lady out) 
It is the wine of Life to the Troubadour. Without 
it I perish. Already I stagger by the way — 

Adventure 
{Thrusting them aside) 
Sentimental rubbish ! Oblivion waits for you — 
{He glares about.) And for all else that is not red- 
blooded. I am hearty with oaths. I am thick with 
energy. One drop from the Fountain of Youth is all 
that Adventure needs to make him and his Tales live 
forever — Out of my way. And stay here till I am 
gone — or your heads will answer for it — 



MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 203 

James 
{Tremulously) 

But culture — culture and language — that cannot 
wait while a Penny Melodrama eats up the precious 
fluid which would give life to me — and my many, 
many words — 

AiNSLEE 

Can the rough stuff — and the high-brow too. Do 
you think Ainslee McClure can wait? Why the pub- 
lic may even now be dropping me. This is on the 
level. I need that Fountain cure. 

Troubadour 
{Hastily dragging his Lady away from the crowd a?id 
towards the gate) 
Come. Avante. Avante. Before the vulgar mob 
drinks the Poet's fountain dry and leaves the Trouba- 
dour to perish. 

Simon 
{Blocking his way) 
But, kind Sir — Have you any penny? 

Mary 

Yes — please, Sir — you have eaten of our Black 
Bird Pie and drunk our King Cole Ale — 

Troubadour 
{With a wild gesture, making for the gate and pushing 

her aside) 
We have sung for it. We have no money — 



204 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 

Troubadour's Lady 
The Fountain — the Fountain. I must reach it or 
I faint — Water — water — 

Mary 

Running to her solicitously) 
Oh, I am sorry. We will not charge anything if 
you have no penny. But will you not rest and have 
a drink of our fountain water? It is so cool — and 
clear — 

Troubadour 
It must be Purple shot with stars — Farewell, 
Simple Maid. (He goes out the gate.) We were 
but beggars that came to your door — But when we 
drink of the Fountain of Youth we return kings! 
{They go off through the wood.) 

Adventure 
Here — stop there. S'blood! S'death! S'blood! 
They escape me! {He starts after them.) 

Simon 
{Stopping him) 
But you. Sir, have a penny. And you had Jack 
Horner Pie, and a Plum Pudding too. The Lion 
beat the Unicorn all round the town for less — 

Adventure 

And I'll beat you all round the town unless you 

stand aside. Here — {He plunges his hands and 

throws out some coins.) Doubloons — Pieces of 

Eight — Spanish Gold! What are they to Adven- 



MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 205 

ture if he loses the Fountain of Youth and founders in 
oblivion? You, who would keep him with milk and 
water! S 'blood! S 'death! I am not a beggar — 
ye dogs! {He strides out.) 

Simon 
" Hark — hark, the dogs do bark, the beggars have 
come to town. Some in rags and some in tags, and 
some in velvet gown — " 

James 
If you will pardon me — I must really journey for- 
ward in search of the flow of Youth which comes from 
the Fountain — I — 

Victoria 
Dearest Hero. Lend me your arm. 

James 
{Getting to the gate) 
Good-day, Good-day. 

Mary 

{Running after him) 
But will you not wait and ask Mother Goose, Sir? 
She is very old. Sir, and very wise? 

James 
Nursery Tales. Nursery Tales. {He goes off 
through the wood shaking his head.) 

Victoria 
Quick — Dearest Hero. Those dreadful people 



2o6 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 

will drink our fountain and turn us out of our own 
Crystal Palace — 

Simon 
But, ma'm, you have not eaten your curds and whey 
— and Miss Muffit made it especially for you — 

AiNSLEE 

{Seizing the opportunity to push by to the gate) 
So long — then. I'm off. 

Mary 
Don't you think you might perhaps stay, ma'm? So 
m.any are going — and we have such a nice little foun- 
tain here. And if you all go off I don't know what I 
will say to Mother Goose, and she so particular about 
accounts and all — Don't you think, ma'm, you could 
try our fountain — 

AiNSLEE 

Nothing doing. Sorry. Tell the Old Lady I had 
a date. {She goes off hastily through the wood.) 

Simon 
{Ruminatively) 

** The greedy man is he who sits 
And bites bits out of plates — 
Or else takes up an almanac 
And gobbles all the dates — " 
That Captain — broke a plate. {He carefully 
picks up the pieces of a plate that Adventure shoved 
off the table in his hurry.) And a flagon too. To 



MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 207 

say nothing of spilling all the water worse than Jack 
and Jill — and he only left three bits — 

Victoria 
{At the gate with Hero) 
Good-by. I will send you a little gilt souvenir from 
the Crystal Palace. 

Mary 

But please, ma'm. Have you a penny for your curds 
and whey? 

Victoria 
Vy^e come of the best families and are always guests. 
We never pay. The Fountain of Youth receives only 
the best families — however unfortunate they may be 
in circumstances — {She begins to sniff.) 

Hero 
But always genteel — 

Victoria 
Yes — always that — until the end. Oh, hurry, 
Hero. I feel very faint. We must find the Foun- 
tain of Youth or I will actually swoon! {They go off 
through the wood.) 

Simon 
(^Softly to himself, rubbing one leg against the other, 
and looking after Hero and Victoria.) 
" Goosey — goosey Gander — Wither dost thou 
wander? " 

Mary 
{Coming distractedly down to the table) 



2o8 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 

Oh, now there, Simple Simon. Don't you stand 
there doing nothing on one leg — and everything in a 
clutter, {She begins to pick up the dishes.) Such 
crazy people I never did see. And vi^hat Mother 
Goose w\\\ say with no account made out — and I 
declare — {She turns on him.) You haven't been 
to the Pieman yet. 

Simon 

" Give me a duck and a drake and a half-penny 
cake — And a penny to pay the old baker — " 

Mary 

How can I when nobody paid for their cakes but 
with three foreign pennies? {She wrings her hands.) 
(Mother Goose enters briskly through the 
gate. She is clad in a long red cape over her 
dark dress with its full white apron, and wears 
the high pointed Mother Goose black hat 
over her frilled white cap. Her face is 
wrinkled but pink cheeked and healthy, and 
though she leans on a stick, she moves briskly 
and decidedly.) 

Mother Goose 
What's this? What's this? Mary, Mary Contrary, 
and Simple Simon and the tables all in a clutter? 
Have we had guests? 

Simon 
Yes. And they were so strange. As strange as the 
Man in the Wilderness who asked how many straw- 
berries grew in the sea? 



MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 209 

Mother Goose 
And did you answer as proper, as you have been 
taught — "As many as red herrings grow in the 
wood ? " 

Simon 
I tried, but they all talked at once — They did not 
seem to care about listening — 

Mary 

And they wanted to find the oddest place — 
Crystal Palaces and Volcanos — and Purple Springs — 

Simon 
{With a rush) 
And though they all seemed so different it was the 
same place they were after after all, though they none 
of them would admit it, and they were as cross as 
Cross-Patch when they found out, and all took differ- 
ent roads — And would not stop in our garden — 

Mother Goose 

{Shaking her head) 

Oh — la-la — That's what happens when people's 

minds get all overgrown and twisted — When they 

outgrow Mother Goose's garden and don't see what's 

before their noses — 

Mary 
{Breathlessly) 
And they only left three strange foreign pennies for 
pay — 

Mother Goose 
Each man pays in his own coin — and is paid like- 



2IO MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 

wise. (She slips the pennies left by Adventure in 
her pocket.) 

Mary 

And where were they going — 

Simon 
And will they get there? 

Mother Goose 
Who knows? "The King of France went up the 

hill 
With twenty thousand men. 
The King of France came down the hill, 
And ne'er went up again." 

The Flower of Hearts Desire grows in this very 
garden — if they had not traveled too fast and been 
too wise to see it — 

( There comes a boy's voice singing beyond the 
gate — ) 

Voice 
" Rock-a-by baby, thy cradle is green, 
Father's a nobleman, mother's a queen, 
And Betty's a lady and wears a gold ring — 
And Johnny's a drummer — and drums for the 
King—" 

Mary 
It's little Tommy Tucker — 

Simon 
Singing for his supper — 



MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 211 

Mother Goose 
Shall we give him some — 

Mary 
Oh, yes — White Bread and Butter — 

Simon 
And Diddle, Diddle Dumplings — 

Mother Goose 
And water — from Mother Goose's fountain. 

Mary 

{Clearing away the table) 
Yes — the others would not drink it — 

{A veil of twilight has crept over the garden, 
softening the vividness of its green, and filling 
the wood beyond with mists. Little Tommy 
Tucker, a very little boy in blue Greenaway 
dress, with a wide white neck frill appears at 
the gate, his hands behind him, singing.) 

Tommy Tucker 
" Hush-a-by, baby, on the tree top — 
When the wind blows the cradle will rock — 
When the bough breaks the cradle will fall — 
And down will come baby — cradle and all — " 

Mother Goose 

They wouldn't drink my fountain — eh? Well — 
they will find no better one. For this is the fountain 
of all young things and those who drink of Mother 



212 ]\IOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 

Goose's fountain never grow old — never grow old. 
I suppose that was not what they wanted — eh ? 

Simon 
{Twisting on one leg) 
They didn't seem to know exactly what they wanted. 

Mother Goose 
Ah, well — there are many springs to the Fountain 
of Youth — but this in my garden is the first one. 
My children are forever young. Are they all safe — 
Is Little Boy Blue home from the Haystacks? Has 
Bo-Peep brought in her sheep? 

Simon 
Yes — but DafiFy-down-dilly has not finished her 
new yellow dress — and Johnny is not back from the 
fair with the blue ribbons. 

Mother Goose 
{T urning) 
We must see to them. 

Tommy Tucker 
{Singing softly) 
" Come to the window — my baby with me — 
And look at the stars — that shine in the sea — " 

Mother Goose 
{As she turns, with Simon) 
Come in, Tommy Tucker. Come in. It Is almost 
time for the Man In the Moon to come down — 

(Mother Goose, with Simon on one side, and 



MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 213 

Mary bearing a tray of dishes, on the other, 
turns to go sloivly out of the garden. The 
twilight deepens.) 

Mary 

And the poor wayfarers out in the woods — 

Mother Goose 
They will find wisdom by the way — 

Simon 
And our garden will be alone in the dark — 

Mother Goose 
The Fountain of Youth will watch over it — 

{They go slowly towards the arbor. Little 
Tommy Tucker comes in through the gate, 
slowly, and still singing follows them. A big 
round moon rises behind the trees, and the tip 
of the fountain glitters silver in its light.) 

Tommy Tucker 
{Singing) 
'* There are two little stars — that play bo-peep — 
With two little fish, — far down in the deep. 
And two little frogs — cry-neap-neap-neap — " 

(Mother Goose, and Simon and Mary, dis- 
appear through the arbor, Tommy Tucker 
follows, his voice lingering after he has gone.) 
" There are two little stars — that play bo-peep — 
And I see a dear baby — that should be asleep — " 



214 MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 



FOR OUTDOOR PRODUCTION OF 
MOTHER GOOSE GARDEN 

Any garden with a fountain could be used for this 
play. If a fountain is not available, a bird bath, 
thickly hedged with flowers might be used. 

For extra people, to make more of a pageant, there 
might be other Mother Goose characters introduced 
— for instance a row of Mary Contrarys' " pretty 
maids." They could stand behind a flower bed, and 
she water them. The Pieman, could pass through the 
wood ringing his bell, and at the end, a lot of Mother 
Goose characters, troop in to go into the Inn. 



FOR INDOOR PRODUCTION 

Any pretty garden scene, brightly colored, with a 
little white gate at the back leading into a green wood- 
land. At the side there might be a little red peaked 
gabled house, with the MOTHER GOOSE INN 
sign swinging over the door. If the fountain is diffi- 
cult to manage, a rustic well would do. 






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